You have been through some very tough days haven't you? I know this may be of little comfort to you but I'm going to say it anyway. You told your W everything now, she's fully informed of what happened in your A (EA or PT).....she didn't leave. She didn't even threaten to from what you said. She only said she didn't know how long it would take her to get over this information.
You also now have some form of closure on the OW. True it may be depressing to have to let her go, but it's something that does have to be done in order for you to truly move forward in your M. As long as you harbored the possibility that the two of you might still somehow get together....you weren't putting everything you had into your M....there would still be a part of you held back. So now you can mourn that loss....and put it in perspective. Is it possible for you right now to see how fortunate you truly are that your W didn't end things right then and there? She's still there, with you. Believe me, if she wanted to be gone...you just gave her the perfect reason to go....but she didn't Chrome.
In addition...you did the right thing! You came clean, there are no secrets between you and your W now. There is nothing the OW's H can do either, you (IMPO) removed that threat to a degree as well. Sure, OW's H is bound to be really angry with you....wouldn't you be if the tables were turned?
I believe too that now that you have come clean with your W much of the guilt you were holding in will ease....you're not harboring this big secret any longer....and you've given your W all the info she needs, no more suprises that could possibly pop up that would set her back on her heels again.
Really Chrome....I think what's happened is truly for the best. You may not see it right now, and I can see how you may truly feel overwhelemed by everything....but really, it's for the best.
