Hi Chrome First, I'm so glad the self-esteem C is so helpful. That can make such a difference. You have come a long way the past few months and this a just another stumbling block that you can and will handle. The guilt factor is definitely something you should explore. I know that guilt can often lead to depression and many self-sabotaging behaviors so the C will want to address that with you. Revealing more of the EA, in one sense, will make you feel better and take away the threat of ow's H. That's good. But, as you know, this will put a major crimp in the R progress made so far. Your W needs some time to work through her feelings. However, you are also correct that ultimately it is up to her whether or not she forgives and puts most of the resentments behind her. I am dealing with that right now myself. H left and I can either deal with it or not. He can certainly assist me in this process but even if he did everything right from this point on, the pain of what happened in the past is there and it is now MINE to deal with, not his. He has his own work to do on the separation issues and he is doing it. I guess some advice would be to not pressure your W to "forgive and forget" right now. She needs to feel some sense of control over the situation and for a little while, she needs to be able to express how she is feeling as brutal as that may be. It will help her. Still, there needs to come a point where she reigns in some of those feelings. This is where I am right now with H. It is no longer productive for him or for me to just vent away whenever I feel like it. I need to get a grip on these feelings of resentment and handle them in a productive way, venting here, to friends, etc. NOT directly to him although I still mess up more than I like. This is soooo hard. But, it can be done. Your attitude will help the process. Stay positive, not in terms of "everything's happy and fine around the house", but in terms of "we can make this work and I will try my hardest to work on my M." When is your next MC? Plus, you have friends and lots of support to get you through the process. One step at a time. LFL
