Sorry, chrome... it's so discouraging when you try something that you hope will "work" or something that has worked for other people in other situations. It was a good idea, and it worked partially... but the negative finish was kind of a downer.
I understand the point about not posting something here that you wouldn't want your spouse to read... but this is a forum for YOU to derive benefit. Do what will help you. And I'll say to you what I said to IHJ-- revealing your thoughts cannot damage anyone... if you just talk about YOU and how YOU feel. One of the things you're striving for is a marriage where you can truly be yourself. Expressing yourself here is good practice. The stuff that you think is so awful isn't really when you get it out into the light of day.
I was reading an interesting Jewish book about relationships the other day. Very religious Jews belive strongly in soulmates-- b'shert it's called: destiny. This book was saying that you have to be yourself, otherwise your soulmate won't recognize you. It's like a radio signal. You have to be sending out a true signal for her station to pick it up.
Quote: Well, as I have alluded to though, I am really down in the dumps right now. I am a bit hesitant to write why down here, because of what people have said, write as if you expect your S to read them (either now or later). I am not sure I want my W to know these thoughts. I know most people will just respond, only you can decide, but maybe somebody has some words of wisdom that will let me know what I should do.
Chrome, exercising literary caution just means that you do your best to present it in a factual way, representing the two of you as accurately as you can. When I read what NOP posted in the past, it was extremely painful mixed in with a pinch of pi$$ed-offedness. But, I don't recall reading any attacks on my character, any name-calling, any "I'm the greatest and she really sucks" kind of posts, or sexual flirtations with the other participants.
It was actually quite enlightening to read his thoughts, his perceptions, his take on incidents and conversations that helped me get more understanding on the undercurrents I was picking up at the same time.
Dividing by zero are we? self esteem, leading to god like self impression. You are the black hole sucking us all into your vortex...
anyways, hey come back here and post dangit.
This book was saying that you have to be yourself, otherwise your soulmate won't recognize you. It's like a radio signal. You have to be sending out a true signal for her station to pick it up.
LIL, book title please. This comment made me diverge for a few seconds there. <shaking it off> I scrambled my signal intentionally for a long time there. Weird. I too think of women as recievers and I am the transmitter.
My term for it is congruence. being yourself, in positive manner. When you arent yourself the static she gets throws her all off kilter.
Today was worse than yesterday. Trying to drown it all in alchohol. If I don't pass out, I'll post more later.
THe prolbem is that the isssues are about things W doesn't know about me. Could lead to permanent separation of feeling, kwim? I'm feeling very self-depracating now. More later. Thanks for caring all.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
bf, the book is called Outside/Inside. Probably not what you're looking for. It's a slim paperback that dicusses the orthodox Jewish practice of "modesty," by which is meant (especially for women), long sleeves, high necked garments, and covering the hair. The point is that when your outsides are modestly covered your insides can shine through and you know that is what the person is seeing-- they're not distracted by your outsides.
If you want to read up on Jewish ideas of sex and marriage, I would suggest anything by Shmuley Boteach, starting with Kosher Sex : A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy . Very interesting stuff. He also has Kosher Adultery (no, of course, it's not really about adultery, but has suggestions for introducing the excitement of an adulterous relationship into your marriage), and Why Can't I Fall In Love, a book about finding the right mate for you. I really like the guy.
Chrome wrote: ------------------------------------------------- ...She surprised me by responding to the more passionate kiss. It wasn't the best kiss I ever had, but given that it has been 5 months since I have had a passionate kiss, it felt wonderful. After a minute or so, we broke off and I said "we should do that more often." She responded, "ok, but are you going to jump all over me." I said "no, I won't assume a passionate kiss means sex immediately later." She seemed happy. -------------------------------------------------
That is outstanding!
Well done.
Next task; Three passionate kisses per day, every day. No sex yet unless she initiates.
Think you can handle that?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Just thought I'd let everyone know that while I'm still down in the dumps, I'm mostly past the really bad stuff. Sorry about the whacked-out posts. Thanks for the kind words and advice. I'll get back to you soon with some more details about what happened, got lots to do at home.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
