This has been a major source of controversy in our R since Day One. During the first year or so when I was still trying to get him to bed for sex, he would stay up way past me, drinking. Sometimes would pass out on the sofa. I'd wake up around three or so and go get him. Until I learned at alanon not to do that.
When he stopped drinking about 18 months ago, he would still sit up way past me. But the thing that makes me the nutsiest is when I would say, "I'm going to bed now," around 11 or 12, and he would say, "I'll be right there," and then sit up til 2 or even 3 and/or fall asleep on the sofa.
I used to tell him that it made me feel like he was avoiding me. He said he's not avoiding me, but this is really hard to believe, plus it still FEELS like he's avoiding me.
He used to stay up way past me probably 90 percent of the time. Now it's more like 60 percent of the time. If we were having sex, I wouldn't care if he stayed up past me. It just seems like another way of avoiding me.
One time pretty recently, he sat up so late and I got so mad (this was after the "I'll be right there" comment) that I just got dressed and went in the living room and said, "I want to sleep with you. If I'm going to sleep alone, I'd rather do it at my house," and walked out of the house at 3 am and drove to my house about 40 miles away.
Now sometimes I tell him I'm going to bed and sometimes I just disappear. I avoid telling him because I hate the "I'll be right there" speech and then he doesn't show up until hours later.
I know he needs awake time in his house without me around. I understand that. Again, if we were having sex, it probably wouldn't bother me so much.
When I was out of town for a week in the summer every night he told me on the phone how much he missed me. And then the night I got back, he sat up til two and I went to bed alone.
