It has always been my philosophy as a teacher that if I can't explain something to ANYBODY, then I don't truly understand it.

Well that is not the case here. I only have the basic high school knowledge of science. Its not that you could not teach me it is how much you would have to teach me to get me to a level of understanding to relate to the subjects of which you are all speaking.

In other words you are doing nothing wrong. I just do not have the basic knowledge of theroys to follow along such advance convo!

I do agree with my coach that defeating gloom is a case of "not feeding the monster." If you sit there and dwell on the gloom, it just gets worse and worse.

I agree with that also that is why I suggested the part of changing your preception/expectation of what is waitting for you at home.

I myself spent years dreeding going home and what was there. The fights the anger so forth. It got to a point where I avoided going home any earlier then I had to.
I started working 12 hour days and would make pit stops so my almost hour drive home would extend to at least two.
I felt almost panicy about walking in the door.
As Mrs Nop said work was a excape from the misery of my marriage. I had to learn to start focusing on the good things that were inside that door way to change this feeling of pure dread at the sight of my house. Some of the simple things I suggested like changing into more comfortable cloths or shoes or sitting on a comfy bed with my kids where exactly the same things I used to get to the point where my house was not a looming pit of darkness but a bright beacon of joy. (not that it still does not look like a dark hole sometimes thats sucking me in at times, But I no longer just want to run from it upon sight)

Right. That is what I meant by distracting myself. I am not pushing the gloom to some inner part of myself where it will bite me later, I am just actively choosing not to dwell on it.

Ahh well thats what I was meaning.


I will say though I will change tactics if necessary. 3 month blocks may be a good start though, I'll think about it.

This is what I was referring to. The changing tatics. Sort of like when BF told you to do one week of no iniating physical contact with your wife. To see if it made a difference in your wifes behavior.

I have been choosing to respond in a certian way or not respond all to my H's behavior. To try to physically touch him say a hug every day after dinner or what ever to see if it helps our sitch. I stick to a pattern for 3 months then evaluate to see if anything has improved from these actions. If not I toss them out the window and try another approach. I am just not sure if three months is to long or long enough to really see a change. And thought maybe your C had helped you establish valid timelines that you could share

I think that is one of the problems with R books. They tend to adopt a "you should respond this way" approach, which may work for some people, but not all.

Self help books in general are something I am rapidly losing faith in. You read four chapters of what the purpose of the book is. Another four on what it will teach you then four about what you should have learned. I seemed to find they spend more time telling you what they are gonna say later then actually saying much of anything.
Lets talk about what I am gonna talk about is not much of a help if you never really talk about it in my book.
Sorta like the last two C I went to who just wanted to run in circles instead of giving one suggestion as to how to change anything.

Masters of the Universe/He-man thing very well.

Omg I actually forgot about that show! God I am getting old.