Just curious about this sense of doom you experience. That sounds so much like a Pavlovian response. Where does it come from? When you came home as a kid, did you have the same anxieties on entering the house, that a fight or argument would be waiting in the wings with your dad or between your parents? I can understand that dread. But it isn’t happening now. That was in the past. Do you have the same feeling when walking into a meeting at work that you know will be contentious? If not, why the difference? Something to ponder in trying to find a way to break that conditioned response.
I suspect your neediness regarding desire is also related to issue number one. As I read your paragraph, I had the mental image of a dog that has been abused, but still comes up to its master, almost crawling, head hugging the ground, eyes flitting away waiting for a slap on the head, coming up to rub on the masters feet and hoping for any little sign of affection. Lack of affection as a child will do that. Does your wife truly understand this part of you? She is the obvious one to fill this void, but does she really understand the depth to which it exists? Does she have the capacity to fill this for you at this time, even if she wants to?
I know you have a tendency to “give gifts” in the hope of having your wife return some sign of affection. But isn’t this just another twist on the hurt dog scenario? And if your wife does not truly understand why you do this, could there be a risk that she does not return that affection, setting you up for disappointment? I guess I am wondering how much work she is doing and how informed is she of what you are doing in order to make the right mix?
Maybe someone here can suggest a good exercise to work through these issues. Lillieperl, do you have a book on training birds not to sh*t?
