Well after much typing about issues unrelated to SSM (maybe that is why I'm in an SSM ) I thought it might be good to post something related to my self-esteem work. My coach gave me 10 points about improving self esteem. I thought I might present each point in turn for discussion. Maybe some (or all ) of you could chip in with your thoughts about how this applies to you, what you could to do improve on this facet of your life, and any suggestions you might give to me or one another. I hope discussion such as this will be helpful to all of us out there who have low self-esteem and realize the best way to gain respect from our S, build attraction, and ultimately get what we want in an R is to first improve ourselves.
Point 1
Set yourself to accept everything that you feel. Take the attitude that there is no such thing as what you "should feel" You simply feel what you feel. The next thing is to use your judgement about what to do about any feelings you have. It is best to pass over some feelings without doing anything about them, while others need to be expressed in some way. Some feelings also help you to know what is going on in a situation. For example, if you feel strong trust for someone right away, it could tell you that you are dealing with a con artist, because they are good at getting people to feel trust too soon.
My first thoughts on how to react to this step would be to list those emotions that I am having trouble with and think of what my response should be.
1. Gloom: The instant I get home, and don't get a welcome-home hug and kiss, and don't see a look of loving adoration on my wife's face, or a look of lust, all my marital problems sort of settle over me like a thick blanket and I get a feeling of gloom. Like things will never be better, I will never have what I want in a relationship. My response to that emotion is try to ignore it, distract myself from it. It is a completely non-productive emotion. I can use my wonderful children, housework, phone calls to friends, and even light-hearted convos with my W to distract me from the gloom. The hope is that eventually the gloom will disappear if I ignore it long enough.
2. Desire: Every time I see my wife I am filled with sexual desire. The problem is my hunger for it can lead me to become to needy, gropey, supplicating, etc. My planned response is to in a very determined manner control how I express my desire. This is not one I want to ignore, as it could be a positive thing if channeled correctly. I will find small ways to express my desire to my wife, that are non-threatening but assertive. I will dole out these expressions of desire in a manner similar to gifts. I will treat them as something my wife wants to have, no matter what her response is. I will not place any expectations on the giving of the gift, i.e. a response. These are my feelings of desire and can exist independantly of her feelings. The hope is that through persisitance, my W will gain a truer understanding of my desires, and thus know how to give back to me in a way that fullfills my desires.
There are other emotions, but I'll stop here for now.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
) I thought it might be good to post something related to my self-esteem work. My coach gave me 10 points about improving self esteem. I thought I might present each point in turn for discussion. Maybe some (or all 
) of you could chip in with your thoughts about how this applies to you, what you could to do improve on this facet of your life, and any suggestions you might give to me or one another. I hope discussion such as this will be helpful to all of us out there who have low self-esteem and realize the best way to gain respect from our S, build attraction, and ultimately get what we want in an R is to first improve ourselves.