Yes I did notice LL. That post was written on a day when we did not see H from waking up in the morning til going to bed at night. At least two sometimes three nights a week he will stay out drinking with his buddies and not come home until after I am in bed. On the nights he comes home it is to give me a break so I can go to the gym or singing, I get back in at 9-9.30pm. He is usually playing on the computer when I get back. I check in with him, give him a kiss, ruffle his hair, offer to make him a meal/snack. He will usually refuse. I have been posting on SSM board too, because that area is just not happening either. But how could it when it just seems like H is and maybe I am in avoidance mode with each other.
I know I have a lot to do LL, I know noone will throw me a lifeline, and I know if there was more for him here he would not stay out. I just need help with WHAT more I can do. I do greet him happily and kiss him when he comes home, I do try and keep up with all those AOS that he likes so much, not to mention the WOA. I have a feeling he is a very rigid person. Once he decides something is the case he does not like to change. I feel like he STILL views me as the person I was 3 years ago and reacts to me AS THOUGH I am still behaving that way, when I'm not I know I'm not. Here is a silly example. About a year ago our local council started a kerbside recycling scheme. So everyone has two bins outside the house, one for stuff you can recycle and one for the rest. We got a little recycling bin in the kitchen so we can put all the paper, plastic, aluminum, glass etc in there. Now H is as keen as anyone on saving the planet, but he STILL keeps putting things in the old trash That's how I feel like it is in our M, things have changed around here but he just seems to keep on the same groove.
I know, I know, still whining about what he is doing wrong. I have to look at what I can do. But like you LL I have been there done that and I need a really big new energy boost to get me to do it again
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
On the nights he comes home it is to give me a break so I can go to the gym or singing, I get back in at 9-9.30pm. He is usually playing on the computer when I get back. I check in with him, give him a kiss, ruffle his hair, offer to make him a meal/snack. He will usually refuse. I have been posting on SSM board too, because that area is just not happening either. But how could it when it just seems like H is and maybe I am in avoidance mode with each other.
That's how I feel like it is in our M, things have changed around here but he just seems to keep on the same groove.