Not waving but drowning

[haphazard]

Well thanks LL for making me step back a little. I know I sound a bit whiny on this post, however I was just trying to stop it flowing into a major essay and just wanted to cut to the chase - i.e. why am I back here.

Thought I would just jot down a day in the life of Haphazard so you get a feel of where I am coming from.

6.45 Alarm goes off – ugh!
6.46 Jump out of bed, shower dress etc
7.0 Start waking kids up – this will take at least 20 mins of continuous tussling to get them awake enough to dress them (they go to bed at 8pm but they never want to settle down and just sleep)
7.45 Leave for breakfast club (the school do this for us working mums!), all of us shout our goodbyes to H who is still sleeping.
8.10 Jump on train to work
9.10 Arrive at work
9.11 Usual busy day dealing with loads of calls, I work in a software house and I am development manager need to deal with quotes and specifications, making sure stuff gets done to deadlines etc.
14.30 Leave work
15.30 Arrive at school to pick up kids. Chat to other mums in school yard. Make sure kids have not forgotten anything and we pile into the car
15.50 Arrive home (sometimes later if we have an errand)
15.51 Give kids snacks, go and change, pick up anything lying around from the morning
16.30 Start thinking about dinner
16.31 Kids wanting attention, games, stories, homework whatever
17.30 Dinner on table, eat dinner. DS will eat his fine usually with a little encouragement about veggies etc. DD is another story and usually takes about half an hour convincing her to eat a portion half that of DS. She is up and down from the table continually.
18:00 Clear up dinner things, load dishwasher etc
18.30 Get kids in bath
18.31 Sit down for 20 mins to watch news and have cup of tea
18.50 Get kids out of bath
18.51 Let kids watch some TV for a while in their PJs
19.20 Kids brush teeth and choose a story
19.21 Read stories
19.45 Bed – this may still take a little while with kids up and down for stuff or telling me a little about their day
20.0 Phew, finish up cleaning kitchen from dinner
20.30 Take laundry from dryer and fold, get another batch of laundry sorted and put on to wash
21:00 Sort out what to wear next day for me and kids, and other things they may need for school
21.30 Rest of evening to relax, come and chat to you guys, chat on phone, watch TV or whatever
22.30 Bed

That’s pretty much an average day. OK two nights a week H will come home around 18.45 and take over with putting the kids to bed so I can go to the gym.

Sometimes we eat together, after kids are in bed, but not often. He doesn’t usually want whatever I suggest and just says he will get something himself. That is usually around 10pm which is way late for me to eat.

OK what I obviously haven’t filled in is average day in the life of H as I don’t know the full details. I do know he leaves for work at about 8 each day (having got up around 7.50 – LOL) that he generally has a pretty hectic day at work and finds it difficult to wind down. If it is not his night to put kids to bed he will either stay at work a little longer then go out drinking with work buddies or he will come home and retreat to his little office room where he will drink beer and fiddle around on the computer.

It is not just about what our average days are like it is about what areas each of us covers.
I cook, clean, tidy up, shop, do laundry
I make small repairs around the house
Any concerns of the children – such as homework, clubs, necessary new clothing etc
We are trying to get parts of the house remodeled and it is my concern to organize builders
I make sure our bills get paid on time
I make sure the car gets serviced, insured, cleaned whatever
I do the garden
I do our finances, talk to accountant, check bank statements etc

The list goes on. It might sound like I am really controlling that I do all this. If I didn’t do it I promise you it would not get done.

BTW it also sound like I don’t have a life but I do. For one thing I am loving my new job, I don’t just go to the gym I also go to a singing class. I am friendly with quite a few mums at school and we get together for a girls night out every couple of months. I have good friends who I socialize with by taking kids over for tea at their house and vice versa. When my dad comes to visit we usually go out somewhere interesting.

Does anyone else cover this amount? H claims he does his part just by earning the lion’s share of the income (OK – all of it up until 2 months ago). He would work anyway if he were single and he would have to take care of laundry, car, finances, household repairs etc on his own.

The thing is none of this would really worry me if we had a happy M. I have been doing it for years and until the R started to go wrong it never really bothered me that much. I was happy doing stuff for both of us and to be honest he did do more when he was in a happier frame of mind.

I don't get any appreciation for it, just told where I'm going wrong if something gets missed

Fran