Midlife for Dummies

[25yearsmlc]

Dear Smurf and all who are dealing w/ MLCers:
THANK YOU for this. Midlife for Dummies is so weirdly accurate. I am wondering whether to print it out and send it to H. Ideas anyone? Probably bad one, but for a minute, it'd feel great.

I would like to add to the symptoms and maybe offer some "secret decoding".

TO THE LEFT BEHIND/BEWILDERED SPOUSES

Overly used mlc phrases/words and their Real Meanings:

MLC says "we can work this out" which actually means, LBS can take the crap from MLC and not do whatever it is MLC does not wish LBS to do, such as file for D rather than waiting around for MLC, until if and when MLC feels like coming back. ALso, the phrase is great for causing false hope in LBS, or at least lots of confusion. Very effective "yo-yo" phrase. MLC also repeats use of "we" but means only you. AND IF you (LBS) do file for D due to lengthy marital torture, it is Not MLC's fault, it's the LBS's fault for "throwing in the towel," when all MLC needed was space (like say, 3000 miles) and time (like 2 or more years) since MLC was obviously trying to "make things work out." This is further evidence that LBS is impatient, selfish and too negative, and clearly does not want to work on M.

MORE ADVICE FOR THE MLCer RE: LYING IN GENERAL, OR WHAT TO SAY WHEN CAUGHT LYING: MLC: THINK AHEAD. When thinking about lying, only do so whenever it benefits you in any way, Or confuses spouse. Tell truth about unimportant topics and use those statements as proof that LBS is paranoid or ungrateful or a nag, when he/she does not believe your lies, etc. IF caught, DENY. If useless to deny, then claim you were Forced to lie (but never use the word "lie" itself, use euphemisms, "not lying, just didn't tell all facts..." or "not lying, you didn't ask right question".. etc) and blame LBS because God knows YOU WOULD NEVER LIE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO. LBS made you "withold the full truth" by LBS being hurt every time you "witheld" or "inadvertently mislead" in the past. Their pain was an overreaction and they were "wrong to feel" their emotions, let alone share them with you. Whatever it is you had to lie about, was their fault.

More for MLCers: WHEN OTHERS DISAGREE WITH YOUR PLAN/VISION

Remember that mc or T, or your minister, and or your friends may tell you that you are not completely justified, or worse, that you are doing something "off" or "crazy" or , God forbid, "selfish/wrong." That is only BECAUSE SPOUSE HAS BRAINWASHED THESE PEOPLE TO TURN AGAINST YOU. If those people Knew how it felt to be you, then they would all agree with how right you are, because YOU are "right" and that is the most important thing to remember, no matter what it costs. ALSO, if certain consequences occur that might appear related to your choices, such as bankruptcy after you quit your job to find/improve yourself, or spent on things that only you use or like, remember you deserved those things and if LBS had been supportive, you'd be rich. Or if moved and now living far away from family seems to be causing alienation from kids, blame spouse for bad mouthing you unfairly.

No way would the kids be effected by you Not seeing them much, nor would that ever change how they view you. In fact, merely calling them on the phone when you feel like it, is more than generous of you. You've paid bills for years and THE KIDS OWE YOU a lot more gratitude for all the time you've put into your job/career. Working so much was never about feeding Your starving ego. No, the overtime and long hours and missed holidays/birthdays (but always making time for work related things-YOU had to be responsible) was really FOR THEM. THERE ARE NO NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF YOUR CHOICES. If it seems that way, it's due to bad mouthing by LBS and/or brainwashing and/or idiots not understanding your vision. There is NO connection between how differently family/friends see you now, and anything you have said or done now or in the past.

More Torture Tips for the MLCers:

Be sure to discuss your new job/living arrangements/geographic change/new place/relationship/new friends, with your Spouse as often and excitedly as possible. IF spouse cries, or is hurt or angered by this, remind Spouse that this is why you "lied" or had to sometimes "mislead" them, and why you likely will always withold information. It's their fault, due to their constant "overreactions."

Well, I just wanted to add my 2 cents And to thank you for writing or printing this, 'cuz it totally made me remember something so important right now: I am not alone.
jch