One Foot on the Brake, the Other on the Gas...

[Just_Me]

For my part, I feel *I* would be doing her a disservice if I ever gave up trying to steer her back to doing what's best for our children. Inevitably, I'm sure that's what is and will be most important to her; it's just that I don't think she's ready to see that the divorce and the things she's doing now are hurting them. Even if we never reconcile, I'd like to see her devote the next few years *wholly* to the kids, as I will. (Not mine to decide, I know... but knowing her, I think that's what she will *want* to have done.) If I were to "give up", one day I'd likely have to answer for why I did... (sigh)

I'm sure you didn't mean it quite that way, but a lot of this sounds like "controlling" and if I get that vibe she probably does because it seems as though a lot of the WAWs have issues with "controlling". You have expectations that she'll devote her time to the kids. You wish to steer her in what you feel is the right direction. Do you think when she divorced you that she felt she was going in the wrong direction? I imagine she feels she is right and just because you are getting along it doesn't mean she was wrong. And perhaps her opinion is that this IS in the best interest of the children.

All I'm trying to say is that she has to come to this on her own and maybe never will. That you can't control her or convince her how you're right and she's wrong. And also that there are two sides to ever story. It may help to consider what her side is and remember she thinks she's right also.

I think there is a difference between getting a life without her and becoming content with that life and "giving up". I think that the two people entering the marriage should be complete, happy, and content on their own rather than feeling completed by their spouse. Finding contentment without her in your life is just part of making the most of yourself. You can still leave the door open for her to walk through, but keeping your life on hold waiting for her isn't doing her a disservice, it's doing yourself one and your child too.