Yeah, the XW and I seem to have the same problem in that regard - 30 years of close friendship. I still maintain that her decision (to D) was not well thought out... so many things she inexplicably thought she could "keep"... So much food for thought, but apparently little food for re-examination...
Yes, I understand what you mean when you say I am/have been too "available" (family members have told me this as well), but it's SO tough to achieve any 'distance' (physical and/or emotional) when you've got minor children...
I remember telling her over a year ago that this "old HS friend" I mentioned in my original post (who introduced her to Yahoo Messenger and who'd broken the ice of "inappropriate chat" with her) had done her a great disservice. That if he were the "really good friend" that she professed that he was, he'd have tried to steer her back to her husband and her marriage instead of making himself seem so much more important to her. She vehemently denied it at the time - but a couple of months ago conceded that I'd been right! (Quite a concession...)
For my part, I feel *I* would be doing her a disservice if I ever gave up trying to steer her back to doing what's best for our children. Inevitably, I'm sure that's what is and will be most important to her; it's just that I don't think she's ready to see that the divorce and the things she's doing now are hurting them. Even if we never reconcile, I'd like to see her devote the next few years *wholly* to the kids, as I will. (Not mine to decide, I know... but knowing her, I think that's what she will *want* to have done.) If I were to "give up", one day I'd likely have to answer for why I did... (sigh)
Don't get me wrong - I've no delusions that I'm "only doing this for the kids". But I like to think that the damage to *me* I can tolerate...
