Thanks for the words of support. I am fortunate to live only a few blocks away from my XW & kids, so I see them almost every day. Her exploits have not really intruded on their reality too much - yet - so I am careful not to give them the impression that anything's wrong. The details/rationale of our divorce were not shared with them, but if they know anything, they know that "dad still loves mom". A couple of weeks ago, my XW actually danced with me (3 "slow dances" at a local restaurant) IN FRONT OF MY GIRLS! Certainly the lowest she's let her guard down since prior to the divorce as she's always been diligent and ultra-sensitive about "giving the kids the wrong impression". Of course, in the wake of that night, she reacted reflexively and withdrew so severely I could feel the breeze... That provoked an upset response on my part that is naturally counterproductive to my "cause"...
My S16 is a bit more aware of the situation between his mom & me. He's a sensitive kid & very sympathetic but I try not to involve him in much of this or share too much with him. (Don't want to put anything on his shoulders.) He knows though how much all this is ripping me apart, and is aware that his mother has a bit of a problem with the computer. She closes the lid on her laptop when anyone comes near - I guess for fear that they'll see her chat text - and this paranoia has not escaped him... Of course, she thinks that any observations he makes on his own are ideas that I have somehow planted in his head! This past weekend was my bi-weekly weekend of custody (the girls stay at my place on Saturday nights but my S usually stays at his house - that's okay with XW), and she decided to do something "new": she decided to go to a party at an (Internet) friend's house some two hours away...
When I picked him up to take him to work next afternoon, he told me he'd slept on the couch at his cousin's house (next door) because he "didn't want to sleep in the house alone". I didn't wish to exacerbate the situation, so I just told him that he could always come up the block to my place if he didn't want to be alone. He's never expressed anything like this before (not that I recall an exact duplicate of this circumstance but there've been similar circumstances), so I guess she'd informed him that she'd be home late (if at all). He did seem upset, and that of course upset me... I chose not to mention to her that she might be breeding resentment in her son as I'm sure that it would have somehow become *my* fault... but I'm sure that withholding the info only made my bristling shortness with her seem that much more inappropriate... (sigh)
All of this is so much more exasperating as I am determined not to complicate my children's lives by bringing someone new into *mine*, so I am allowing myself fewer 'distractions' than the XW has...
Yeah, I know... no one ever said it was gonna be fair...
