You are right this the best site to vent on our situations welcome!
I understand you being concern with the safety if your kids and you are right the "chat world" is a world of fantasy with very few people go with good intentions. It seems to me that she has fumrged herself in this world of fantasy to not deal with her reality. And there is nothing you can do from stopping her. All things must fall by their own weight and they will, she will slowly but surely realize her temporary satisfaction.
On spying on her stop, its not doing you any good and is clouding your thinking , you might start seeing things that are not there. Check with your kids to make sure they are ok and safe but that is it. Step back from what is "you and her" for a while it will help. Happy Turkey day!
