Sara trys to figure things out

[NNP1965]

Not really sure why I bother posting here. I am going to type this here while it is freah because I want to be able to come back and see if I am over reacting.

Tonight is my S10 & S11 Spring concert at school... however, my H has chosen to go play softball instead of go. I am just dumbstruck. How could that even be an option?

He thinks the boys do not mind because they didn't get upset about him not going. He has no idea that it is just that they are used to him not being at things. I am the one who will hear about them not understanding why Dad didn't come.

Now I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I am upset he will get mad, if I tell him anything the boys say about it, he will get mad and think it is just me. So I guess I should act happy, but that is not right either, because one of our issues has always been that I do not tell him how I feel about things. That is nor really true though, when i do tell him how I feel about something if it is not what he wanted to hear he will get this mad look on his face and stare straight ahead and act like I did not say anything. No wonder I quit sharing my feelings a long time ago.

I do not know how I am going to get through this tonight. How I am going to keep a happy face while my children's teachers and friends ask where their Dad is?