Hi Sara,

I had a lot of the same feelings as you as well. Especially when I was working full-time and had the kids, house and SO to "take care of".

Maybe you should just tell your H that you are feeling a little overwhelmed. Maybe ask him to do specific things in addition to the outside stuff. My SO is a lot like yours. Unless specifically asked, he'll just sit in front of the TV. The baby can be running around with a smelly diaper, and he'll wait until I do it or, as I've done in the past and wasn't so nice, tossed a diaper at him. (Clean one, that is...lol). Sometimes we do such a good job of being Wonder Women, that they sit back and take it for granted. When we go to parties/go away - I'm the one that has to pack for 5 of us! He just sits there. Unless I tell him what to do. Maybe your H is waiting for some 'direction'?

Or maybe point out that if he helped you do XY, & Z, that it would help you get done faster and the two of you will have more time to ...fill in the blank.....

See - I'm not so very good at giving others advice. Have you read The 5 LL's? Even if you have, read it again. I like that book, and reading it again at various points, as well as DR, you can get a different take on things.

You're right that keeping things bottled up becomes unhealthy. What you have to do is find a different way to get your message/complaint/problem across and find a different solution. Maybe this is going to be seen as antagonistic, but if I had been you -I would not have brought him a cup of coffee. If he questioned why, I would say that since he didn't make it that morning, I assumed he didn't want any. Then I would add something lighthearted that I was upstairs waiting for him to bring me some.

I think the trick is to cause a change, you have to start doing things different. Anything...even the littlest thing that may seem insignificant to YOU, may cause a big change in him.

Keep posting Sara. Sometimes I don't have as much time as I'd like, or the right answers/advice to give, but it does help to get things out.