I have similar issues in my M. Are you at a point in the M piecing that you can sit and calmly, nicely approach him about this? This may seem overwhelming, since you've already been doing things and housework is usually an organic process anyway, hard to add structure.
BUT, in the situation you described, I see an evil and familiar process playing out...so let's push the stop button. Here it is (and you know the drill): you have an expectation (not bad), you do not tell H, he does not meet it, he fails, you are angry, you still do not tell. This builds up....you've seen it before. H is unsuspecting in his failures to meet an invisible bar his W set for him.
Sure, he should be wonderful and do things on his own....but if we really think about it, there are lots of things that WE do without thought, that probably drive him nuts and hurt..for us, it's just that we forgot. So, why not give him a chance. You said that he helps when you ask...that's GREAT. So, ask. Think of a favorite breakfast he makes, and ask him for it, nicely. Compliment him, make him feel special for making it. When you're doing chores, ask him to help, thank him....etc, etc.
Eventually, I think he might pick up that he should do this without asking. If not, then you have an H that does when asked and you'll have to live with getting around this. Can you? I think so.
This is a touchy time for all of us. We look at each little thing that our spouses do or don't do as a measure of their love. Not so. The fact is that we've all lived in M for so long, so these day-to-day habits are hard to change...but, you can get it there!
