Sara trys to figure things out

[NNP1965]

I actually had kind of a rough weekend (notice I said I, not us). I felt like I needed to come here and vent (so as not to turn it on H) in a bad way yesterday but I could not get to my computer.

I actually realize not many (if any) are following my sitch, but I need to journal a little bit just for me.

Yesterday morning H got up before me (this RARELY ever happens.) After about 30 minites I went downstairs only to find he had not made coffee... I was so disappointed. So I made the coffee and even took him a cup downstairs (like I always do). But I was so angry inside. When is it my turn to be taken care of a little bit? I enjoy doing things for H like taking him a cup of coffee, but it would be so nice sometime if he would reciprocate.

So that set the tone for the day. My morning consisted of finishing the laundry started the day before, making sure the boys were ready to leave on time for the party we were going to, making H's fav dish to take to the party, getting myself ready and cleaning up the mess H made in the kitchen while making the boys pancakes (which I had to remind him that he had promised the boys he would do).

H's morning consisted of making pancakes, playing on the computer and getting himself ready to go to the party.

H works hard and makes good money, but so do I... I work at least as many (usually more) hours outside the home than he does and we make very similar salaries.

Why is it that I am the one that is expected to do all the house work? Sure occasionally H will do some small chore if asked speciffically... but the house is mainly my repsonsibility.

He says his job is the outside... okay so that consists of mowing the grass on a riding mower several times in the summer and shoveling in the winter (this winter he shovled once). I still have to take care of all the landscaping and flower beds and that kind of thing.

I know it sounds like I am whining and I guess I am. I do a good job of acting "as if", probably too good. I just feel like if I do not vent here at some point I am going to blow up and that would be really bad. All this pretending must stop being healthy at some point. I am afraid I am not applying the DB principle as it should be applied.