For years, I used to do the same thing - spend my bonus on everyone but myself. Then, there was a printer that I really, really wanted. Well, when I got my bonus, cash of course, I was sooooo tempted to blow it on bills, gifts for my SO or daughter (only had the one at the time) - when I thought to myself - "If my boss had known that I wanted the printer and bought me the printer instead of giving me the cash, then I'd have my printer!" So, I took the money and bought my printer. And felt NO GUILT WHATSOEVER! It was MY money - I earned it. It wasn't expected - we weren't counting on that money for bills or anything. Had my boss given me a fruitcake or a gift certificate to a store, I wouldn't have had the choice to get something for myself. The cash let me choose what I wanted.
How about a new haircut / color/ perm? Lingerie? Don't know how much $ it is - enough for a weekend getaway with your H? Digital Camera? Earrings?
If you're worried about feeling guilty about spending it on yourself, then how about taking half for yourself and half for whatever?
And, BTW, you're not an idiot. Your H acted like an ass there for a minute. Glad to hear he apologized. Can you follow his apology up with some kind of "thanks for the apology" email or something silly. Something that would let him know you appreciated his apology - hopefully opening the doorway for future apologies (should they be necessary, lol) ??? I know it's sometimes hard for me to apologize, and when I'm thanked for it, it makes me feel better and makes it easier to do in the future.
