In my opinion, men are going to look. They are visual creatures, as we all know and as Hugh Hefner knew - that is why he is now a multi-billionaire. When I first addressed porn in my R with my SO - he was taken aback and I believe, a little embarassed. I think he was expecting me to be disgusted, but instead I was like no big deal. I know it's fantasy - oh well, MY fantasies include beaches, romance, hours & hours of.....blah, blah, blah - Whatever - complete oppposite of what's depicted in the movies. And I'm sure my SO finds sand up his butt just as wierd as I find his movies! LMAO
Maybe your H "hides" the fact that he looks at it because he fears hurting you? Making you angry? The thrill of doing something in secret? Once you change the way you react to him viewing it, maybe that will start the ball rolling in getting him to change.
Do you know what kind of porn he's viewing? I mean, is it normal type stuff or illegal immoral stuff? I mean, there's "straight" sex then there's all those disgusting farm animals, little kids type things that I completely find offensive and disgusting....if my SO was viewing little kid porn or gay porn - then I'd be worried. Really worried. That would be enough to cause me to sever my R with him - immediately.
Jumping off my soap box now, too.
For the game night - yes, since your boys are at the age where pretty soon they won't want to be with Mom & Dad playing games anymore, lol, you can use that time to air grievances from your kids....learn more about them, ask them about their lives, get closer to them, etc. And, even if they resist at 1st, take a stand and with a completely straight face just look at them and say "We're gonna have fun whether it kills us or not. Now, sit down and let's play!" I'm smiling, picturing my 12 year old nephew as I say this - having gone through this with him. He looked at me like I was completely insane, but, in the end, he had tons of fun!!
MY SO does the same thing...he knows there's a ton of things he needs to get done....he'll tell me the whole list. Then, he'll sit down and watch a movie! ??? <Big shrug.> As long as it isn't something "I" really need to have done, lol, I usually just let him be. He's the one who's making more work for himself in the long run, not me. And, on top of that, sometimes I know he's so exhausted from work, that I don't really find it such abig deal.
