Man, what the hell am I doing? I still love her; but she is going to drive me crazy. Tonight I had the kids. She usually has one of her sisters and her husband over and dreads that she is there. Just before I left, she was a little funky and then she seemed okay and even made a comment about how "yeah, I'm a real great person"...Basically cutting herself down. So, I say "Hey you're not perfect; but we all make mistakes. You are not a bad person" Well, before I left with the kids, she got a call from her other sister and told her sure come over too.
When I dropped the kids off, her other sister and all my nieces and nephews and her parents were there. So, I said hello. Picked up each of the nieces and nephews and gave them a big hug and talked to them.
My X though was funky like she usually is when they are around. She tells me how much they drive her nuts; but then she acts nice with them and standoffish to me
I said to her on the side, I will meet Thomas, my stepson, tomorrow. She says "If that's what you want to do." Say what??? She and I talked about this and I was just mentioning it!!!
Hell, I have been there for her before and all through this scare at the doctors, through all the crap with this OM, etc. I know I chose to do this; but what is hard is to have stood by her, been there for her and support her as she cries to me and then I get that type of treatment when I am there. Iwas the only person she could turn to in all of this and does it matter to her??? I would think most people would think so and for most, it would be a defining moment of what loving someone is all about. Am I a fool or is she just having a tough time bringing me back into the picture because of what she has told her family about us?
You know what eats at me is that I was there for her, promised to keep her secret. She never wants her parents to find out about the married OM!!! So, here I am walking around with all this knowledge and having to keep it in and she gets the kids with her, gets to keep living life as if she did nothing. Meanwhile, in her parents eyes, I continue to be the bad guy. I guess that is the price you pay to try and work things out. She gets to look liek she is the good one.
I want to work things out; but I continue to question why??? And no it isn't for the kids. But at some point she needs to do something. She owes me that much for being there for her.
Just as I was about to leave, her mom, who dislikes everyone, but that is for another time, says "Frank, thanks for the pictures" (School pictures) I said no problem I had extras and figured I wouldgive them to you. I also gave her sisters some too.
I just wonder sometimes whether it is all worth it??? I hope so; but WTF is going on. I know if someone stood by me like I did with her, that would say alot and I would speak up.
To top it off, I have been in the process of moving out of my parents house to temporary apartment. Well, my mom, who I allowed to make me who I became, (Just like her mom did to her. Yes, we allowed ourselves to become the way we are and we are to blame for that) comes into the kitchen as I stopped to help my son with his homework. I was cleaning the table off from dinner and she asks where the sponge is. I hand it to her and she says "You didn't wipe off the stove!!!" I said to her "I wasn't finished. I stopped to help my son with his homework, ok?" SHe says no it isn't. She is basically a good person; but she is anal about everything and over the years, she has driven me nuts. She then starts dumping on me in front of my kids and I get upset and tell her I wasn't finished... I stoppedto help my son...She just keeps getting worse and my dad tries to intervene; but she just complains.
Sorry for the ranting; but I has to let all this out somewhere!!!
Also, there is a woamn who I could probably ask out; but as I said before in a previous post, I think it would be unfair to her. In this DBing stuff, am I allowed to tell my X I am disappointed in how she is being with me?
Frank
