What do I make of this???

[Just_Me]

I had a part in how I was acting at the time that made her go. Yes, it wasn't enough in my mind to make her leave; but... (The affair, she keeps telling me happened after we had split and she wanted me to know that it wasn't the reason. ) So, I see it as we both had a fault in the breakup.

Of course you had a part and hopefully you've addressed those things. But she had faults as well, and that includes running away from the marriage. And don't kid yourself about the "affair had nothing to do with it". That played a HUGE role. My XW said those same words, but basically now admits that if this other person hadn't been in the picture she would have tried a long time before.

Frank, for whatever amount of time this has been since divorce, you have pursued and she has rejected. She's let you be a little close, but keeps you at arms length. Now what if she calls you today and says, "Frank, I've decided to give you another chance. I want to see if you are the man for me." Does that sound like a great thing? She'll just see if you are okay?

Or would you prefer it if she says she's been thinking about you and her and she knows she's made mistakes that she regrets and she wants you to consider giving her another chance or trying again with her?

I'm probably getting the cart in front of the horse, but I do think that you need to get in a position with her where she doesn't feel like you are wrapped around her finger or where all she has to do to get you back is say, "okay, I'll give YOU another shot."