I read your thread for the first time tonight, and I can really relate to where you are. I was with my XH for 10 years, married for 7, and I have been divorced for 3 years, and was separated for a year before that. During our separation, I went between badgering my XH to come back, and trying to entice him to come back. After our D, I was really saddened at the reality of my situation, and thought that I would never be whole again. But guess what? Life has a way of moving on. I began to focus on myself, and what I did to contribute negatively to the marriage. I hold him ultimately responsible for the D, because he cheated and gave up on us, but I knew that I had many things to work on. Instead of trying to change HIM, I decided to change ME. I realized that I had not grown during my marriage, and frankly neither had he. We have both grown considerably in the last 4 years, and we are both better people and parents because of it. A year ago he married the OW. Today he is miserable in his marriage, and realizes many of the things that he did wrong in our marriage. My Dad passed away after suffering from Alzheimer's for 8 years (he was only 55 when diagnosed), and my XH took his death very hard. He came and sat with us during the final few days, and was very involved in the funeral preparations and the service itself. He was totally there for us during this time, and in fact was the first person I called after my Dad passed away. He has continued to try to be a friend to me, has been in counseling for 7 months (with our old marrige counselor no less!), and is spending a lot more time wth our daughter. We occasionally do things together, but I try to say no as many times as I say yes. This year he came over with his parents, sister(my best friend-a wonderful bi-product of my marriage), and her boyfriend, and we all had a wonderful time! I have moved on and dated several people, but have found no one that I want to be with long term. I approached my XH recently about us applying for an Annulment now that he has remarried, and he broke down in tears and begged me not to. He told me that the D was painful enough, and that he did not want to be D in the eyes of the Church. This from the man who walked away and never looked back! Anyway, we are friends now, and are able to talk freely to each other. He has told me that he wishes that we would have made these changes while we were still married. I told him that I agreed, but also said that I'm not sure it would have been possible. We are so different from that married couple, and we are both much BETTER people. I have left the door open a teensy bit for reconciliation, but have made a life for myself and my daughter that I really like. I agree with you...I loved being married and would love to have a family again. The point is, I'm living my life now for my daughter and me, and its a good life. If he truly wants to try again (AFTER getting D of course), I will be open to counseling with him and see where it leads. I am also open and ready for a relationship with another man if and when I meet the right one. My advice to you is the same as the others have given to you: create a life that is filled with things that you enjoy, and happiness wil eventually follow. Spend time with your kids, do things without them that you like, and try new things that you thought you would NEVER do! You just might find that your life is different, but no less wonderful! Then, your XW just may see you in a new light, and want to create a new life with the new you! Good luck:)
