What do I make of this???

[Just_Me]

Tman,

You are in a bad place right now. Don't worry though, it's part of the process. You really can't rush it...you just have to go through the pain and weather it.

..."I can't go, it's a school night...You know why I shouldn't go" Actually, no I don't!!!

You know why. You aren't married. You aren't dating. And if she accepts she is leading you on. Asking her to go to the concert didn't fly. Quit with the pursuing. Believe it or not, she knows you are holding out hope. She knows you are pining away and it does make her feel guilty because she doesn't want a marriage to you. I've read things and heard things from divorced women how it drives them nuts that their ex won't just give up the ghost. If she's going to have a relationship with you again, she'll have to make those steps towards you herself.

She also seems to be going back to being standoffish and that kind of sucks. Part of me just wants to tell her off for what I am going through

As you said, what purpose would it serve. She isn't making you go through this. You are making you go through this. I'm sure in her eyes you could choose to get a life.

It's just hard; because I had been married for 11 yrs and now I am single and out there by myself, not knowing where things are going for me. I just want to enjoy life with someone again.

I know it's hard. And I know when alone it's easy to think about more enjoyable times you had when you were married. I know the above sounded harsh, but in my opinion and what I've seen written and heard said from ex-wives, the pursuit is a real turn-off and they don't think favorably of their time with you, especially not when you push things. It might help to consider that if she suddenly came to you today and said..."I want to come back" whether you think that it would suddenly cure things. Could you honestly hit the ground running with her after all this pain and turmoil and her presence would just be a cure? Think how much of your feelings are wanting someone and how much are wanting her.

I really can understand very well what you are going through. I felt just like this for months, like I was a step or two away from her saying..."this is really nice with you. I'd like to try again", or feeling that an especially enjoyable evening with her would suddenly change her feelings. It took months of this rejection to break me of these fantasies. It was only after I quit chasing, quit wishing, quit even wanting a life with her that she's for the first time saying.."I want to try again". Unfortunately for me, maybe it's a little too late. Everyone that isn't on this area of the board tells me that it is or should be. I do know that it was silly of me 3-4 months ago to wish for her to suddenly "snap out of it" and want a relationship again. I wasn't ready. I wasn't on my own two feet. To have her back at this moment would leave you entirely attending to her needs and disregarding your own. I think you should become happy with just you and your child and let her know through your behavior that you can and will carry on without her.