how will I know that she has given up this cheating man...I don't want to spy on her; but that is a significant factor in how long I am willing to give her an opportunity to fix things
You're not at a stage where anyone fixes anything. You haven't won her back. If she ever does come to a decision to reconsider the relationship, that's when you guys work on repairing or rebuilding it. Then, keep your eyes and ears open. If it walks like a duck...
I don't believe that she is who she is guilty about being...she just needs to admit it to herself
Less thinking about her and more about you. Get yourself ready for the rest of your life. It may be with her again someday, or maybe with someone else, but either way, prepare yourself for that next chapter so that it's not a replay, at least not on your part. What is it about you that can be better, happier? Focus on you.
Just that I will know I am back on an even playing field because she has given up something that is wrong
There's always a risk, whether it's with her or someone else. But... if you've done the work on yourself, you'll have been refined by fire. You will be stronger. You'll pay more attention to those nuances that signal potential problems so as to attend to them. You'll make better decisions.
