Keep working on yourself - lots of exercise, better/leaner diet, try new meditative/relaxation techniques, renew/get in touch with any spiritual beliefs, strengthen family/friendship ties. Polish yourself up, my friend, and push yourself to become the best man you possibly can.
Your W fell in love with you at one point in time. Become a better man than you were then. If she returns to you, that would be a wise choice on her part. If she doesn't - well, who wants to be with a foolish person anyway, right?
She WILL notice your changes. There may be anger initially, but some curiousity/interest will happen next, and comparisons b/t you and the OM will be made. You have a permanent connection with her via the kids. Stay focused as well on being a great father to them, as the OM will never be able to replace you.
Give her space and take your focus off of her. Let her do her work on herself. Some folks go to therapy/counseling. Some read books or talk to friends/priests/family. Others learn thru the school of hard knocks. She seems like the latter, but if she's smart, she eventually learn her lessons.
