D18 is sabatoging DB'ing!!!!!

[trytoohard]

DB'ing like crazy the last several weeks and OH MY GOODNESS does it work! D18 had a blow out with her dad (my H) this week and it opened an opportunity for me to see if I have truely changed the way I handle crisis in my life and how I repond to my H. Instead of immediately jumping on her side or defending her, I asked calmly and lovingly for his side of the story. Well, of course D18's story was only about 50% accurate and I agreed that she should not have instigated this nasty exchange with her dad. We talked for 2 hours, about R and the future and it was wonderful. I did tell him that I was not interested in saving this marriage as "this" marriage is horrible and should die, but that I did not want to divorce "him", I wanted to start over as adults and build a new relationship with him. The huge problem now is our D18. Her R with H is terrible as he has said some terrible things in the past and done some things that she perceives as being very wrong. My H and I hung out most of yesterday, he came over early afternoon, left for a few hours then came back and watch a movie with me, D18 and her boyfriend. It was very late and I asked my H to stay if he wanted to. D18 had a hissy fit! H left quickly with very hurt feelings and all I want to do now is strangle D18. I told her that I do not need her permission to do anything and it was none of her business. She is basically behaving in a way that says she wants me to choose between her and her father! HELP!!!
She will graduate soon and we have always been very close until the last few months. I am seeing for the first time how manipulative she really is! I don't want to lose my daughter but I don't want to lose my H and our chance at a new relationship. Yesterday was the first time we had any physical contact since he left. He hugged me hard then kissed me good-bye and the look on his face was one of longing and wanting things to be better between us, and of not really wanting to go. I plan to schedule C session for her next week but since she is 18, may not agree to go. Suggestions would be wonderful as all of the hard work I have put into this potential reconciliation is now destroyed.