Flip, It is nice to know some of this sorrow somehow helps someone else understand their situation. A good thing in my kids situation, I guess, is that my XFIL has been in town and there have been two family picnics. One my younger son went to and saw his grandfather...the other the older son went and grandfather was able to see his great grandson. I am happy that they can get this connection with their dad's family but tormented at the same time that some OW is there playing with my grandchildren, visiting with my now x-siblings, etc.,...these people were my family for half of my life.
I've been trying to create my own positive energy. Michele TW talks about that a little bit. I will say though, when you have lived a childhood of betrayal by those who allegedly are there to care and have been bullied (I got that, too) it is difficult sometimes to see there might be more in life if you can love and trust. I truly thought I had found that love in XH.
I love my XMIL and XFIL a lot. I have talked with them on and off since the divorce. Even though my better judgement told me not to go there, I made the mistake of calling XSIL and asking if I could stop by and say hi to dad. Of course, you have to understand I have been told by all of these people that even though XH and I are not married that I am still family after 25 years....blah, blah, blah. My gut says differently....but I tried to put on that positive attitude. I was told it wasn't a good time and was given a couple of other "good" times...I'm not available either one. I was off yesterday for the holiday. I still have some transcription to do tonight but am really not in the mood. Son told me later he was in the kitchen when I called....XSIL was afraid it would be too awkward. Did I know about "roommate?" I made it clear I wasn't asking for a dinner invitation...just a pop in, pop out, say hi to dad and be on my way.
I used to brood about such things and although I am still sad that people say things they don't really mean I just say my piece and then try to move forward. So, I let XSIL know that I understand, I apologize for asking, and will not venture into that territory again. Heaven forbid I would not want to take a man who lied to me, cheated on me, and betrayed me and make him feel awkward because I wanted to see dad -- a man who I had known as my dad for 25+ years. I talked to dad on Father's Day and he said he wanted to see me while he was here but I'll just be happy with the chat. Someone is always terribly tormented when you tear a family apart. Sometimes it is the one who does the leaving, sometimes it is the one left behind, sometimes it is all involved.
