Are you sure you can never love your wife? Your sincere concern for the welfare of your children coming from an intact family signifies to me that you have much to give.
I've read some of the posts to you about younger children being better able to handle divorce. As an adult whose parents divorced when I was 4, I can tell you that isn't necessarily so. I have spent a lifetime with pretty low self-esteem and wondering what on earth was so horrible about me that my parents didn't want me. I've been through therapy, started that for an adult diagnosis of ADD, and spent a lot of time with a counselor who continuously told me how remarkable I have done with my life. I don't feel I have done anything anyone else wouldn't do. Therapist apparently thinks I have.
My point, I guess, is that I think it is difficult to see how much we can and do love another person when we don't love ourselves. Do you love yourself? Do you even like yourself? I myself would answer no to both of those questions at least 50% of the time.
No one can really help you make this decision. My XH was having an affair and left stating he "didn't want to be married anymore." ILYBINILWY, and so on. I'm doing okay on my own. Our kids are grown and they are all doing okay most of the time...not great, not one of them is doing great! I know it won't happen, just because of the type of man my XH is, but if I had the opportunity to rebuild some type of partnership relationship with him, affairs or not, I would do that. I don't think I would ever marry him again. I don't think I will ever marry anyone...because I don't think I can ever find it in me to trust anyone that much again. But, I think it would do me, my kids, and my grandkids a lot of good to have access to their family again. Not just our core family but the extended families as well...right now, there isn't any of that.
I guess my only advice to you would be to try to figure out what is loveable about you and learn to love that...you might be surprised at who and what else you can love when you accept and feel good about yourself. I have some things in my life I am very proud of myself for right now and when I focus on that I find the world, myself included, is a whole lot more acceptable to me.
