Like many others, I am truly sorry for your pain. Nobody deserves to be put through the hell you've had too endure.
Quote: And I have tried to "get over them."
You have tried. AWESOME. Good for you. It is truly admirable that you gave her that opportunity. I admire all of the people on this board that have tried, despite their pain.
There is nothing stated anywhere that says you have to FORGIVE her.
Part of forgiveness is about KNOWING you can TRUST the other person to not repeat their actions. You may simply NOT TRUST. Deep down, you probably KNOW that she will do it again. And, you find that unacceptable. Who wouldn't?
Quote: Why am I wasting my life away living in the hell??? Can somebody tell me why I am so nuts!!!!
Simply, because you choose to.
Because you have a flaw in your character.
The flaw in your character is NOT that you can't forgive her.
The flaw in your character is that you are paralyzed to ACT. I know that sounds harsh. But, if you KNOW you can't love her, it is totally illogical and downright self-defeating to continue. Give yourself the opportunity for future happiness. Don't be a martyr.
You may turn-around and say there are many people on this board that also refuse to act, but we'll just use ShockedAndAlone or myself as an example. WE ARE ACTING. We are choosing to FORGIVE; to try to work it out. It is an uphill battle. It is painful. We also sometimes wonder why we put ourselves through this because in the end it may not work out. But, here's the key, WE KNOW we can love our spouses again.
Ultimately, it is just a different, EQUALLY ADMIRABLE, choice. We KNOW that we can make a different CHOICE at a later date, when we become convinced that the other will not be capable of loving us.
You deserve a life. MAKE A CHOICE that gives you that opportunity. No matter what your CHOICE, you can always make a different CHOICE the next day, the next month, or the next year.
