Obviously, you care for your wife and your children or you wouldn't even be asking the questions you are asking. First, I would just like to pat you on the back for giving all of this so much consideration.
If you wife doesn't think DBing will work for the two of you, you might try looking up Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel. He and his wife were as close to collapse as you can get, I would think, with three children who died at birth or a very young age. There is also a 'boot camp' and it can be very anonymous or there can be one-on-one. The whole concept is about making "choices" to choose love, family, and marriage...and I do think it is a choice. I knew I could not save my marriage but I took part as a single in one of the boot camp tracks just to see if I could give myself a different perspective on relationships and what I would really like in my life. I came away with a pretty darn good vision statement/mission statement regarding relationships. Maybe if you could do something like this as a couple you could ascertain whether or not yoou could develop a trust in your wife again.
