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What things does H do to let you know that he desires you? Can you shift your focus to those things instead?



Good advice. I can focus on some of the touchy/huggy things he does and the WOA rather than being so phallic focused.
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I think it's a good thing that H is comfortable with himself. Truly I can't imagine having a husband who was at all comfortable in his own skin...mine is so opposite of that.



I do think he is becoming accepting of himself...maybe I am the one who is not comfortable with his skin, preferring a more confident, assertive personality style at this point in my life. Recently H had to do a presentation at work...he was laughing at himself, telling me he knows he'll mess it up in some way. But he knows he gets the job done, inhis laid-back style, and this applies sexually as well.
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Does it happen like that every time, that it takes a while for it to happen? Or is it fast sometimes and sometimes takes a while? *That* would mess with my mind, though I'm sure all the fellas will chime in here and say that it has nothing to do with the wife, blah blah.



It happens pretty consistently with the schedule. He is more spontaneously hard in the morning ( and will sometimes " show" me this by rubbing against me) and when he is completely relaxed.


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So what I wanted to ask you is whether you have slacked off on your contributions in the way that I had?


Yes. I want him to take the lead, and I haven't been as forward. I have wanted him to spontaneously do oral on me without my asking. I have avoided oral on him until this happens,lol. Just plain stupid.
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And the larger question: Is this common with the HDWs? To be gung ho, but only as a way to get the ball rolling..
I really have no desire to bring the heat permanently.


Yepyepyep.

I am beginning to have an awareness that I can't change his basic nature...but I will work on tweaking it just a bit more. I'm aware that in the context of the " loss" of my father I may be putting too much strain on the marriage with my neediness.
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Oh and I wanted to say that your H sounds like he's really trying hard. He should get major brownie points for all the special touches he's doing--the lingerie buying, the lighting candles.



Your positive spin on H's behavior always helps to reframe me. Oh, and if we're talking brownies, we'll have to do some sharing with LFL!