Just IMHO, but I'd say the instant desire level when you turn him dowm comes from the immediate release of 'pressure to perform.' So if you want desire from him, and turning him dowm seems to get the desired result, so to speak, why would you NOT play the 'resisting female,' turn it into a game... help him, in the process, find his desire, and you get awesome sex?
So, it's a game. SO? How's this any different than wearing sexy underware? Isn't that an act of seduction, on one level?
Big dam deal, in my mind. Go with what works. Use it to your advantage. Have FUN with it... what else do you have to do? Where else do you have to be? If it adds spice.... when in Rome... etc., etc.
I'm not sure it's a "game" per-say....I think it's more of a reaction you receive from him. Saying someone is playing games with you makes me think of something premeditated....I don't think his reactions are premeditated necessarily.
Quote: So if you want desire from him, and turning him dowm seems to get the desired result, so to speak, why would you NOT play the 'resisting female,
I think you are misunderstanding something, Corri. In order for me to resist, there must be something to resist against. He was not initiating, he was turning me down before I even asked. When I didn't get huffy with him and simply rolled over to go to sleep, he responded right away.
Look, I play resistant female as much as he will allow me to. I can only play that role if he is willing to play horny male, right? Otherwise I'm flitting through my house saying, Oh I am just WAY too tired for sex and he's thinking, Yeah who asked ya! Ok, so it's not that blatant but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.
I do not throw myself at him, nor do I ask for sex all the time. In fact, I never ask for sex--the most I will do is rub up against him in the hopes that HE will initiate.
However, what you wrote about pressure to perform...well that is right on the money. Could NOT be any truer. I'm not sure where that leads me or what to do about that. The fact is that I'm up for sex pretty much whenever he gets the urge. He knows this. This unseen and unspoken pressure exists without either of us doing or saying a damn thing.
Anyway, in the interest of finding out about my mate, I did ask him last night if he'd find it more attractive if I was uninterested, or at least appeared that way. He gave me an unequivocal NO. He said that his own desire would evaporate if he had even the slightest inkling that I wasn't interested in him.
Fwiw, when he does come after me I very much act like a girl..as demure as someone like me gets (lol).
I did ask him specifically why it seems that me giving up on him or getting frustrated wakes him up to me and he basically said that he takes me for granted and me doing this reminds him that I might not always be there, warm and welcoming and desiring him. Hmph.
Update: We had a nice night. I was able to work through a lot of my resentment by flat out telling myself that *I* am to blame for a large portion of my frequency woes. I was all gung-ho in the beginning and then backed waaaay off. I was thinking that he'd naturally take up the slack..get in touch with his manly side...and he has, but not to the extent that he can solely take on the role by himself. He still needs me to lead him subtly, set the tone, etc.
I greeted him fairly warmly when he got home and wasted no time in telling him that I got frustrated the night before but that much of our troubles are rooted in me. He laughed and said, Oh I like where this is going! We talked it through and managed to ML that night. Parts of it were rough and uncomfortable but we made it through. He had some good suggestions as to how to avoid this next week and the week after that, so I will see how it goes.
Oh and MrH doesn't snore; he just stops breathing (just!) and starts again, over and over. He doesn't 'gasp' for air, like the articles will describe, however. Just starts breathing again.
Thanks for sticking with me yesterday, friends. I have been standing back, waiting for MrH to pick up the slack and I don't know if that's going to happen. I say that with no trace of resentment. If this is as much as he's willing to give, that's still pretty darn good and I can live with that.
H and I have ML two nights in a row and, man, what a difference it makes! I cannot believe how being on MY schedule..even for a short time..makes me feel sooo much differently. I am absolutely hot to trot. His schedule of ML, then wait 3-5 days, then doing it again, does little for me from a purely physical standpoint. I have no idea if I am similar to other women or not, but I suspect I am. If you believe what you read in magazines etc, the more women have sex, the more they want it.
True in my case!
I think we've done this..ML two days in a row...one other time since summer. It makes a huge difference to me and I am grateful to my husband for making the effort.
I pity the poor fool tonight cause he won't know what hit him. LOLOL
If you believe what you read in magazines etc, the more women have sex, the more they want it.
Yep. I can relate to that. H and I haven't had sex in several weeks and I feel more distant from him and less sexy. Wish we could get back on the bandwagon soon. Two days in row! HP, I'm jealous
I just had the sexual blah's. I mean, if you enforce your own schedule indefinitely on anything, I'm guessing it will lose its luster to the other person. I feel alive again. It FEELS like a physical difference, but the difference is mental too. I've been listened to and..gasp..he acted on my requests!
He had to really shore himself up and make the commitment verbally and yet it went off without a hitch and I have a feeling that he's jazzed about it, too. We'll see.
Being on his schedule indefinitely sucked the pizzazz out of me. The desire to be hot, flirt. Why? was the common refrain in my mind.
NOP told me a long time ago to make sure that whatever schedule we chose worked for ME too and that was wise advice. His has not been workin for me and I did not know the extent to which it had not been working til we tried my way. I feel completely different and I'd like it to be like this with a greater frequency than a handful of times per year.
Thanks for the commiseration; I'm off to clean. (wanna join me? )
I'm off to clean. (wanna join me? that was a joke...right? I'm still not doing well on the cleaning after I told all of you here I was going to do better. Although, I am in the process right now of making my H and nice home-cooked meal. Lasagna and garlic bread. Yummy! I even asked yesterday specifically what he wanted me to make and that's what is being made. That's at least something, right? Meeting some of his needs? I'll even clean the whole kitchen afterwards Oh, doing laundry too. See, I'm not a lost cause Glad things are going well in HP land. Good luck getting more nookie tonight!
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