We last ML on Thursday night after a bit of a drought. At one point I felt some resentment and told H that I was feeling bad because it would probably be Sunday again before we ML and I was already dreading that time frame. He assured me that this week would be different.
Now you folks could say that I made a self fulfilling prophecy, or that me saying that somehow made it come true, but I can safely say that it would have worked out that way, regardless of whether I opened my yap or not.
So last night arrives and he makes some lame pre-emptive strike and I just nicely rolled over and said good night. No hystrionics or snide remarks, just good night and rolled over. I have to stress again that I was nice and warm while doing this. He instantly draws close to me and is affectionate and offers to ML. I told him I appreciated the fact that he's always willing to do it, if I press the issue, but that I was not interested.
So it appears that we still have a ways to go in working out our frequency dilemma.
My question is for the LD population: If your horniness spikes when your spouse pulls away from you, do you think it is possible to incorporate more of this desire into the everyday routine without the pulling away part? I don't know if that is worded properly but I could set my watch with H's predictability as it concerns his desire. If I pull away..angrily..nicely..calmly..indifferently, it doesn't matter...he's right there, all fired up.
What is this about? Why can't he access this desire at the right times?
Another thing is that I realized that I play a big part in the reason why the frequency has dropped so drastically. Several years ago, when we first started this, I had the energy and optimism of someone who is sure they will be successful. I was revved up, enthusiastic, excited to be re-connecting with him after all those years. I brought the majority of the heat and that was fine with both of us.
Now, I've dropped off considerably..I no longer have the cocky enthusiasm that of course we'll be successful; I have a much more reasonable picture of what to expect. But whoever became hot to trot over 'reasonable', lol.
So *I* am responsible for the frequency falling off.
I'm kindof lost as to how to get some of my spark back. He's surely not going to help me, so this aspect of the journey is feeling a little lonely.
