Dont talk about them. Dont ask him if he would like it. He might not know or not want to admit it. you most likely did that because of your missing confidance.
Test em out. They are coming from you. You put in the effort to learn/ be reminded of them.
I dont go up to women and ask them 'would you like me to be confidant, or should I kiss your feet, fetch your bags, run your errands'? I dont say 'What are you having for dinner', or even 'Would you like me to order your dinner', I just do it.
Oh you are sooooooo right. That is why I got so pissed off when I read the article. Cause I knew, deep down, that I'd have to fight through all my own insecurities and do this stuff. So I took it out on him. Hey, I might have a tendency to fly off the handle but make no mistake--I know exactly why I'm doing it.
Why am I insecure? Well part of it is just my natural personality--I am confident but not 100% sure of myself. Part of it is that I've tried stuff in the past that was met with utter rudeness--him pretending that he didn't notice. It was humiliating. I am obviously not over it.
The only way to GET over it is to replace those sh*tty memories with good ones.
I'm working on it and, as a matter of fact, have on sexy underwear that I plan on showing off when he gets home. I've had them for a year and he's only seen them in the laundry, not because I didn't want to show him. He *finally* expressed interest in them last night. He told me two years ago (oh why do women have such good memories) that he didn't like lingerie and sexy thong underwear was the same as white cotton panties to him. He said it so many times, and so convincingly, that I eventually believed him. Now he tells me that's not true. I had a hard time believing it to begin with and now I've got to un-believe it all! This guy keeps me going in circles but I guess that is part of his appeal. I am never bored with him. Something new every day, in some aspect of our lives.
Thanks for the bulloney calling. I've been waiting.
Queen of Self Sabotage overconfidant? reckless? brash?
LOL. Damn warriors.
The sleep situation drives me nuts in your sitch. NUTS.
Think maslow.
He told me two years ago (oh why do women have such good memories) estrogen creates more nerve connections in the limbic brain. ANY emotional event, especially negative is indelible recorded and available for prompt 3D, technicolor, surround sound rebroadcast. Ill bet you and most of the ladies remember my first obnoxious comments, and the men dont.
because of this, your post-it reminder to see the good, is a TREMENDOUS idea for every woman to do.
This guy keeps me going in circles but I guess that is part of his appeal. I am never bored with him
Well you sure are doing your part to edumacate the HDM around here. I hope/wonder if they see it or get it, when you post these things. I cant even keep up with all of them anymore coming from all the ladies.
We last ML on Thursday night after a bit of a drought. At one point I felt some resentment and told H that I was feeling bad because it would probably be Sunday again before we ML and I was already dreading that time frame. He assured me that this week would be different.
Now you folks could say that I made a self fulfilling prophecy, or that me saying that somehow made it come true, but I can safely say that it would have worked out that way, regardless of whether I opened my yap or not.
So last night arrives and he makes some lame pre-emptive strike and I just nicely rolled over and said good night. No hystrionics or snide remarks, just good night and rolled over. I have to stress again that I was nice and warm while doing this. He instantly draws close to me and is affectionate and offers to ML. I told him I appreciated the fact that he's always willing to do it, if I press the issue, but that I was not interested.
So it appears that we still have a ways to go in working out our frequency dilemma.
My question is for the LD population: If your horniness spikes when your spouse pulls away from you, do you think it is possible to incorporate more of this desire into the everyday routine without the pulling away part? I don't know if that is worded properly but I could set my watch with H's predictability as it concerns his desire. If I pull away..angrily..nicely..calmly..indifferently, it doesn't matter...he's right there, all fired up.
What is this about? Why can't he access this desire at the right times?
Another thing is that I realized that I play a big part in the reason why the frequency has dropped so drastically. Several years ago, when we first started this, I had the energy and optimism of someone who is sure they will be successful. I was revved up, enthusiastic, excited to be re-connecting with him after all those years. I brought the majority of the heat and that was fine with both of us.
Now, I've dropped off considerably..I no longer have the cocky enthusiasm that of course we'll be successful; I have a much more reasonable picture of what to expect. But whoever became hot to trot over 'reasonable', lol.
So *I* am responsible for the frequency falling off.
I'm kindof lost as to how to get some of my spark back. He's surely not going to help me, so this aspect of the journey is feeling a little lonely.
Quote: So last night arrives and he makes some lame pre-emptive strike and I just nicely rolled over and said good night. No hystrionics or snide remarks, just good night and rolled over. I have to stress again that I was nice and warm while doing this. He instantly draws close to me and is affectionate and offers to ML. I told him I appreciated the fact that he's always willing to do it, if I press the issue, but that I was not interested.
Is it possible that that "lame pre-emptive strike" was a conditioned response just rearing it's ugly head....and that when you rolled away he snapped out of it? I'm just wondering if you might not have shot yourself in the foot when he did cuddle up and as if you wanted to ML.
So why dont you tell him, I dont want an offer I want a show of aggresion, desire. I want you to take me. Whatever. Your trying to get him to figure something out that goes against his programming.
You have come a long long way, you did shoot yourself in the foot last night. Be direct. More baby steps are requred to get to your destination. I think you are trying to get too big of a leap out of him.
Well, first he verbally turned me down..what I call a pre-emptive strike (I *did* want to ML tonight but after watching that movie...<trails off>).
Then when I just rolled over and said good night, he suddenly perked up.
Yes I could have easily gotten laid last night. Is that my ultimate goal? Well yes and no, lol.
I do want the physical love but not because he's playing some kinda game with me. Is that what he's doing?
Man this LD stuff flat out confuses me sometimes.
My patience is wearing thin today, is all.
Oh and Blackie, he knows exactly what I want. He had one good flirt Fri night so the whole weekend was not a wash. He was aggressive and grabby. Yum.
He just didn't want me last night and hadn't for the last two nights prior to that, either. He wasn't sure how to put that into words without offending me.
Ok, whatever, I say to that.
But the confusing part comes in when he suddenly started desiring me after I totally gave up on him. Wtf is up with that? Baffles me. There was physical evidence that he was turned on, so I am not imagining things. Plus, he asked to ML.
What...is my turning my back on him (which is unusual) an aphrodisiac in his world?
I'm sure we'll work it all out tonight but today I'm feeling irritable! Both with him and myself.
Could it possibly be that then he felt he had to earn it from you? Is that so bad? We already know that he has a history of denying himself....it's not such a stretch to me to think that he may also think he has to earn it. When you turned your back on him...that might have been the switch to....ah, now I have to chase her a bit.
This goes both ways HP. I know its hard to understand. I had a gf who if I faced her squarely when out or just sitting around, I could literally see her become uninterested. If I ignored her, and went about with my stuff she would play these seduction games.
It was interesting.
anyways
is my turning my back on him (which is unusual) an aphrodisiac in his world
actually yes. receptive female mammales present there backsides to their desired males... Watch any music videos on BET lately? the booty dance seems to have risen? fallen? to a new level lately....
keep babystepping. or tell him his programming bugs you and wonk him on the noggin.
I get what you all are saying but I'm stuck at this: If he wasn't interested then why did he suddenly become interested after I lost interest in him? Why do people play these games with each other?
And, more importanly, when can I expect it to stop? lol
Blackie, You'll be interested to know that I spoke with him re: apnea last night. I actually demonstrated to him what he sounded like when sleeping and he was horrified. He asked what could be done and I told him about Lou's Cpap machine and he about fell out of his seat. "Sleep with a MASK on my face?!" This is the guy who's world has to be perfect in order for him to function. Yeah, I don't see him donning a mask for a good night of zzz's!
And I hear you about baby steps. Unfortunately all I am getting these days is baby steps. If I saw him taking one giant leap for honeykind, even once a month, I'd be much more likely to have patience during these pitter patter days.
Regaurding the mask. Has he ever been to a ear nose and throat doctor. There is a simple surgery that can be done if it is a nasel passage issue. A friend of mine snored terrible and had the surgery and was fine in a day or two.
Ill bet you and most of the ladies remember my first obnoxious comments, and the men dont. 
receptive female mammales present there backsides to their desired males... Watch any music videos on BET lately? the booty dance seems to have risen? fallen? to a new level lately....