Learning to Trust Myself IV

[heatherg]

Take care of S5. Someday he'll smile at you in the photo of him in his Middie uniform for that.



Don't pressure yourself to see things get dramatically better.

This makes sense, but I don't know how to do it. I'm a fixer and H knows it. My options are so limited. I can stay here and give up, live for myself and put up with H's crap. I can stay here and continue to brainstorm ways I can make things better, still having to put up with H's crap. I can try to get H to sign a 50/50 custody agreement drafted by yours truly and move out (knowing that leaving could affect my chances of getting more custody if I should choose to since H keeps the house). If H won't sign any kind of custody agreement drafted by me, then I *have* to file for D. According to my lawyer, the courts will likely not hear our case for custody if we are still living together unless a petition for D has been filed. But I can't leave or else I risk being nailed for abandonment. And we know H isn't going anywhere. I don't want to jump to filing for D for crying out loud, but that's what I had to do back in May. And H didn't understand why I would do that. I guess I can explain all this to him, but I've been afraid to do that in the past because I'm afraid he will use the knowledge only to make things even harder for me.
These days, I've been thinking my best option is to live my life. If I want to go to my friend's x-mas party, then I should go. If I want to go to NY with my sister, then I should go. If I want to go to karate three times a week then I should go. Maybe if I stop being so considerate of his feelings, he will be more ready to end the M and will cooperate.
I can't help but stress over this stuff and which is the best option.

I'll be praying for you and Matt.

Jabez...thank you.