K, I was just re-reading your post and I wanted to say thanks in particular for this...
The term "WAS" does not apply to someone who tries to make their M better, Heather. It's the one who turns their back on the M, walks away from the call to forgiveness, flouts the obligation to improve their own self as a person and as a spouse.
These words are really meaningful and consoling to me.
Heather, unless he makes sustained, serious effort to change himself, he's not going to "turn around."
I think you're right. I can hope all I want, but history has already shown me what I need to know. In our last R conversation, H mentioned that he might need something from me that would be sort of a revelation about the way I treated him in the past. In the face of losing everything, he is still hanging on to resentments from the past and allowing those resentments to stall moving forward. Why would my A be any different? He's never going to let it go. By bringing up the past in the manner that he did the other night, he's as much as told me so. I talk about the past with H as well, but I noticed in that conversation, that I only brought used instances from the past as a defense for myself when he accuses me of hating him. I'm not saying I was perfect, far from it I'm sure. But he was the alcoholic.....how many alcoholics do you know demand apologies for the past from the people closest to them???? The movies indicate that it's usually the other way around.....but what do I know?
Can you get together with your brother and do something fun tomorrow?
I really needed to dismantle my salt water fish tank today. That took up my entire morning and into the afternoon. But we went to Olive Garden for a late lunch. Not exactly a super fun day, but sometimes things have to get done even when you feel like crap! Actually, more disappointing than having to do house stuff is thinking back over how little time I've actually spent with the kids this weekend. They're napping now. I need to spend this evening making it up to them.....hmmm, brownies anyone?!
And why not write? Just for yourself. If it's good enough, you can say, "I still got it," and if it's bad enough, you can use it in the fireplace!
You know, I never would have said "I got it"....but my H actually complimented my earlier writings a month or so ago....it really surprised me. You've got me thinking about it
Thanks for your thoughtful posts K.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
