My tongue doth hurt from biting it. Thath why I'm lithping.
Last night during my phone conversation with H when he told me he didn't want anything from, didn't expect anything from me... he wants to quit his job and have me support him while he goes back to school.
That sounds like something he wants and is expecting.
And he says I should do this regardless of the outcome of our M because he did it for me before we were married and there were no guarantees for him either.
Ah, that was another time long ago, when things were much different. Your answer made sense to me.
He said "There *is* affection.....if you want no affection, I can show you no affection....things are improving but, as usual, you don't acknowledge it."
He claims he's capable of showing you no affection, huh? That suggests he truly has no real affection in him for you. And then he puts the blame on you saying it's you who's not acknowledging it. Just like he blames you for his drinking problem. Just like he blames you for the way he's treating you. Just like he blames you for the current status of the relationship.
Also, you two just continually argue about the topical rather than the substance. You both argue in very unproductive manners. It's time to bring in a MC. Him going along with that (and him subsequently working earnestly and productively on the issues and his issues) should be the requirement now for whether you decide to stay or leave, IMO. Stop this merry-go-round!
What a difficult battle. The misuse of one word makes me seem unappreciative and unobservant of the things that are actually going right.
Heather, had you used the word "initmacy" instead, my guess is he still would've found something to say to paint you as unappreciative and unobservant or something. He's very adept at turning things around on you. He does that. I've said this before and will say it again, that this will never end. This is him. That's the way he is. He will always "need more", in other words, he will alway have an excuse.
Do you think I sabotage my own efforts? Do you think that my focus on what H is doing to me rather than on what I've done to him could be his basis for saying that I'm not sorry?
Is this how abuse works where you can be thinking that?
While I do think that the way you argue with him is unproductive, you appear to have spent a lot of effort trying to reassure him of your faithfulness and have stuck through his tryannical immaturity for some time. How else are you supossed to say that you're sorry? It does sound like you've already come to terms with what "you did to him" and have tried to make amends. What you "did to him" is all in the past. So, to now focus on what's happening currently, well, that would need to be what he's now "doing to you", don't you think? Or perhaps more accurately, how he's not doing his part to repair the relationship and how he's sabotaging every step of the way to keep himself in power and control.
