Do you think that my focus on what H is doing to me rather than on what I've done to him could be his basis for saying that I'm not sorry?
Holy smokes Heather! Will ya quit beatin yourself up? Are ya sorry? Have ya told him you're sorry? Have ya acted like you're sorry? I think the answer to all of these questions is yes, Yes, YES! If H doesn't know what it will take for him to feel like you are sorry, then beatin yourself up isn't going to help you.
He's right, I shouldn't have said there was no affection. I really meant "intimacy".
OK, so acknowledge your mistake to H and say that what you really desire is more intimacy.
The misuse of one word makes me seem unappreciative and unobservant of the things that are actually going right.
I totally understand how you feel. I used the word respect in an email to WAW yesterday and she came back with how I don't respect her b/c I'm continually late picking up or dropping off DD's. OK, there is some truth there. The last switch over I thought WAW was coming here and I was 20 minutes late getting there. About 2 weeks before, D13 & I were out for Chinese and the service was slow so we were 5 or 10 min late. WAW is very punctual. Anyway my reply went along the lines of, "Ok, shall I start a log of all the times DD's were dropped off after 9PM during the week?" Last night I felt awful for writing that. On Monday, I'm going to write back and say, "Yes, I agree being late does not show you respect, and I apologize for that. In the future I will be aware of the time so that I am not late. In what other ways do you feel I have not shown respect?" I really am sorry for my flip reply and I really am sorry for being late. Even if we D, I don't want our R to be contentious. Sorry to hijack your thread, I kind of put this out here 1) to let you know that others do the same and feel the same and 2) to see if my "180" makes sense or sounds too much like I'm sucking up and 3) if you agree w/my 180 then encourage a 180 for you.
I guess this is where silence comes in huh?
Patient heal thyself. Good answer.
Hang in there Heather. You sound a bit discouraged and maybe a bit overwhelmed. Maybe it's the extra company. In any case, take care of yourself.
