Quote: You may not "feel" like you are, but it really comes across, I'm sorry to say. You constantly make excuses for him, blame yourself, minimize what he does and its contribution to the relationship - and the biggest clue that you're an abuse victim is, you continue to subject yourself to it.
Just keep in mind that this is the forum in which I'm weak. Where I admit I don't have a clue to fix what's happening and where I admit feeling helpless and hopeless. So that can come across as "poor little Heather" and I don't intend for it to. I am not "poor little Heather", I promise you.
So... this is how you put forth your arguments, hmmm? We spoke about this once before.
It's not about you being looked upon or coming across as "poor little Heather". That's not the issue, nor my point.
This is his stipulation NY. I've broken our M vows. He doesn't want me in the marital bed.
He doesn't want you in the "marital" bed... but he doesn't mind having "marital" relations with you. C'mon!
Well, if you broke the marriage vows, then I say to him, say begone with you! Or, make it work. But don't make it abusive. That's not acceptable.
It seems to me that when you are physically aggressive against your wife, and restrict her in her own home, and chip away at her respect and comfort, and treat her like chattle... you're breaking the marriage vows.
This is how he feels he needs to deal with what *I* did. He didn't pick this punishment out at random~it is a direct result of something that I did.
"Punishment" it is. You live with a "punisher". A direct result of... no, not what you did, but of his need to punish you.
It's definitely been more than a night. But it's still been only 15% of our time together. Doesn't quite equal our entire relationship just yet. There is still time to heal, time to change.
OMG. You are measuring just how much abuse it takes before you'll term it abusive and you really think it has to be the entire relationship. So what if it's 15% or 18% or 22% of your time together? This isn't about how much time he devotes to his cruelty. Look at its severity instead, not its quantity. Don't you know that it only takes a few drops of poison to contaminate the entire glass of wine? And, BTW, to be kicked out of your own bed every night constitutes about one third of your life timewise...
Would you be giving up half your time with your two year old and five year old and risking that you won't be there when they need you...even if it's only for a scraped knee?
Oh yes. My mental well being is paramount. If I'm not happy and secure, certainly my children won't benefit having an emotionally hurt parent being disrespected by the other emotionally and sometimes physically abusive parent.
I can find another love any old time.
This isn't about about finding another love. That's not the issue... again. This is more about loving yourself.
Because that's actually what it comes down to. As long as H can't touch me on the inside, can't get to who I am, then I will stay near my babies and he can KMA. If he starts to affect my quality of life, really bring it down
