Learning to Trust Myself IV

[heatherg]

A few posts ago didn't you express angst over H getting physical with you if you just moved back into your (plural) bedroom.

Yes. When I say he's not being outwardly mean to me, I guess I mean in general we're getting along. But I know from past experience that by trying to move back into our bedroom that I would be pushing his buttons and he would not respond well. Last time, it was physical. He didn't hit me at any time though. It's hard to explain. He put his foot under my head and kept bouncing my head~that kind of thing. He got down on the bed and just stared at me. He turned the TV on really loud. Then he tried to carry me out. It was humiliating and of course after just a few minutes of that, I willingly left the room.

Maybe he we referring to the scene where Adam Sandler drinks too much.



You sound like your heart and mind and soul are going thru some turbulance. What I want to point out in my replies is that I feel you are taking too much responsability for the state of your R.

I know, I just want to fix it. Maybe that's my problem. His feelings are his feelings, his reactions are his reactions and I just can't fix it. I've been focusing too much on our R. You know the overfunctioner/underfunctioner theory? Well, by overfunctioning I've probably been allowing him to underfunction. I think I just need to let it go and stop trying to fix things.

My brother ended up leaving early for his visit to MI, so I couldn't borrow his truck anyway. But when H told me how much it sucked at the airport with us not being there, I let H know that I had planned to come to the airport but my brother unexpectedly left early and I could not.

This morning, I asked H if he wanted to go to Kohl's tonight b/c I need to find table linens for T-giving and he said "I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you guys". He actually included me in that sentence. Wow. We'll see how the relationship progresses or backslides once he realizes that I'm not all that receptive to sexual advances anymore. I'm thinking that things will get pretty cold for a while as he tries to get me to "change back" to being willing to have sex.