Learning to Trust Myself IV

[heatherg]

I gotta think that if you can start to balance the power in your R, it will help you. It doesn't have to be this....

I'm totally open to suggestions if you have any ideas on how else to balance things in the R. I haven't really "strategized" until now....I've just been doing what comes natural and seems reasonable. But I'm sort of at the last resort at this point. If I'm considering walking out the door, then I really have nothing to lose.

Don't stop coming back here for support.

Are you kidding? You're not going to get rid of me that easily!! Seriously, you know how emotions can be and there will be much turbulence ahead I'm sure. And a great deal of disappointment if things don't work out the way I'm hoping.

I still wouldn't buy a new house.

I tend to agree. Thing is, I really need some space. I am staying in a room that is only big enough for a daybed-it used to be our study and it didn't even have a door on it, it was just meant to be sort of an open room. No closet. No dresser. No mirror. My clothes are sort of hanging over chairs, whatever. I still use the walk-in closet in the master bedroom and my dresser is still in there, but I don't have a space to call my own that has all my things. A place I can feel comfortable and safe and retreat to if I need to. My bed also isn't big enough for me and the kids if they wake up and need to sleep with someone. Right now, S5 gets up just about every night and comes to sleep on the loveseat (I am currently sleeping on the couch). So, I really need to have room if he or D2 chooses to come and sleep with me. The way things are now, they'll just go to Daddy since he has more room. If they want to sleep with Daddy, that will have to be fine, but I don't want the reason to be because it is a default since I don't have a big enough bed.

The biggest problem with actually moving is that the land we were looking at is pretty far out in the country. If H and I were to split, I would not like to feel that I needed to remain in the country or else my kids would be so far away from me.
So, our other option is to rent for a year and have our current house completely remodeled, a second floor added. We like living in Norfolk and we have a big enough yard for an inground pool and hot tub. I'm thinking we just stay where we are and remodel. It would probably be cheaper because we have the land, foundation and structure. But I could be totally wrong on that.
I also think that if we remain in the house we're in now and H and I had to split that I would be the only one that could afford it on my own and so I would probably get to stay in the house which would work to my benefit. Right now, somebody would have to carry H out kicking and screaming because he would be way better off staying than renting as it is the kids' home PLUS the house payment is half of what rent would be. So, right now, everything is to his benefit. Remodeling (unbeknownst to him) would tip the scales in my favor I think.