have not been here in a long time, like 2 years. But this board once was really helpful to me in DBing successfully, so I think I will come here early this time before it gets worse.
Now today at breakfast, I got really upset about W. She had been kind of cold this morning, in fact I had noticed lapses of coldness over the past few weeks without taking it too serious or thinking about what to do about it.
What happened was the following: I started talking about a significant finding in my work. This probably was a mistake already, because the subject of my work frequently raises conflict between us. The issue seems to be that my current project is high risk, with a good likelihood that it is just a waste of time and significant money. Its not like I will go bankrupt if I fail but it's quite a sum. She dislikes that. But its my money she has hers from her own job with quite decent income. And if my project all works out, it will be very rewarding, monetary and scientifically.
So this morning she calls me "so vain" for my scientific goals. Now I may be, but at the same time I feel there must be more achieved in life than making (and saving) a few bucks. So I am very offended by her calling vanity my foremost motive.
Next she continues on "and we two are so different from each other anyway ..." like her not being a vain person but me an inferior creature. And I feel this is so unjust because I do not think I am vain in first place, not more than anybody else anyway.
At the same time I start thinking: well, I have heard these tunes before. Are we back on a track to renewed marriage difficulties?
Now what could I do?
180ing is a possibility, i.e. not talking to her about my work anymore. But somehow this feels strange, like, I can't even talk to my partner about what I spend my days on?
Plus could thís tension may really be a just symptom of some other marriage issue I am not really aware of.
Last it could be just female money greediness on her side - even though it not being hers she is working in a top job with decent pay herself - she feels like I should spend it on her rather than my project. Having said this, I have just very beautifully restored our house which took almost a year and was huge hassle besides my work and all, also mostly done to her benefit as it would not be so important to me.
Anyway I am right now quite upset, including thinking I should make a scene or just go away and to hell with her.
