Hi blk - Fabulous progress at your neck of the woods, very well db'ed my friend. However, I see many doubts in your approach and reactions that could still derail this process. I'm going to pick up on some of the things you have posted, and try for a different perspective, so bear with me, OK?
She stayed home all day and I guess was bored enough to start reading, she called me at work to tell me she was enjoying the book.
It must have taken some courage for her to tell you that she was enjoying a book you had given her, just wondering how you responded to her. Would she be motivated to tell you what she enjoys again? And, did she tell you that she read it because she was bored, or is it an ASSumption?
Anyways she said she had some things to talk to me about after we got the kids put down, I didnt like the sound of it but that just shows I guess im still a bit insecure about our R. She said, "I just wanted to thank you for all the effort youve put into our marriage, for all the changing youve done and I never thought youd do this for us".
Bravo blk - you were conscious about the negativity that crept inside you, and next time, you may be able to kill it at birth. I guess we are all vulnerable to conditioning patterns - a bit like Pavlov's dogs She is really reaching out to you, blk. It's wonderful to see the progress.
She also says she think ive been trying to do to much for her and the kids and missing too much work to do things she can take care of since she's the stay at home mom. She thinks I need to spend more time on myself and stop trying to be the perfect husband/father as its just too much pressure to put on myself, funny I never thought she saw things that way and mabye shes right?
You may be the only person who can decide if what you are doing is 'too much' and perhaps more importantly, if it is sustainable. And I'm willing to wager part of her anxiety is around just how 'real' are these changes, will superdad and superhusband disappear once she lets down her guard.
blk, maybe its time to revisit your goals, and plan the next steps so you can control the pace a little more?
She is really reaching out to you, blk. It's wonderful to see the progress. 
Slowly
