Funny how things work....or dont work at times. Thing that bothers me most is she mentioned in councelling a couple weeks ago she has a wall up and doesnt know how to let it down? I am sensing that and it does bother me. When she's feeling good the wall comes down and she calles me honey, pumpkin, touches me and just seems overal real happy witch in turn makes everything feel great all around. But other times she seems distant and uncaring, doesnt make alot of eye contact, no touching and overal just starts pissing me off and I dont want to be around her. I feel my W is the most self centered, self absorbed, insecure, vain person I know and our C agrees with most of this in one on one with me. I hate to say it but im starting to at times have bad feeling toward her for not placing ANY blame on herself for ANYTHING PERIOD!!! In our 9 years of marriage ive contstantly taken the blame upon myself for everything and made ALL the changes to make things right, and im still doing it today. I guess my biggest weekness is im just too hard on myself and am not too proud to change for the benifit of the family I love so much. I have to say and it may be shallow but.... My W is the most buitiful woman ive ever known (she was a model and has been in a few movies, she really is an amazing looking woman and attract ALOT of attention) and im so attracted to her physically it weekens me at times, its the only thing she realy has on me I cant get over. Im finding that her other qualities I used to love arent really there anymore or at least shes not showing them lately and its just my attraction to her physicaly that really gets to me. I hope im not coming off as shallow but its just how I feel and need to vent, also need some input or advice on how I should deal with these issues and not backstep by letting my feelings get the best of me.
