Logically, I know you are right. Truthfully, I tried. years ago. And just got used to having, delegating, carrying it all.
Emotionally, I react to your statement with, do you mean share my power, as in opportunity, and the most powerful frame of all.......... choice?

Not a ice sliver chance in heLL, I respond with full emotional reactivity.
So do I. I don't know BF. I think you give yourself too much power in terms of responsibility for your ex's actions. That power of choice you mentioned. You have mentioned before not protecting the R/M, letting OM into your life, too close. Ok, not the best idea. But how can you claim the power in that instance? She made a CHOICE just like you always had a CHOICE to not put up with it. You may do things totally differently in the next R and she may still make HER OWN choices. Leave you, cheat, whatever. You just cannot control someone else, ever. I like you BF. I am concerned that you will try to make the next R/M "perfect" and God forbid, it doesn't work out again. What kind of blame/control are you going to give yourself then?
But you poked squarely into my issue, trust.
That is my issue as well, so I can relate. I'm really struggling with this right now. Now even so much with H, but with myself. I don't trust myself to not F this all up again. So, part of me just acts like I don't care. Defense mechanism. I can see you almost going the opposite way. On hyper alert. If only we could get to a happy balance between the two, our R's might work. But like you said, being too emotional can make people swing to the extremes fairly easily. I don't know how to live any other way right now.
Ever read Social Theory and Social Structure by Robert Merton Required reading, think it was undergrad. Along with Durkheim, Mead, Marx, Cooley, Weber, to name just a few. zzzzz No, some of it is quite fascinating but when you are immersed in theory day in and day out it gets a little redundant. Probably shouldn't be saying that since I teach it
Advanced pygmalion stuff. Hey, are you taking a shot at sociologists Have some respect. Now go and write me a 10 page paper on...hmm...lets see...the effects of the new technologies (such as the SSM BB) on our social construction of reality, its impact on postmodern society, as well as the effect it is having from 3 varying sociological perspectives: symbolic interactionism, functionalism, and conflict theory.
Aren't you glad you are not in my classes?
put my rose colored glasses on towards the end. (or maybe that was because she was just so smoking hot.... I never should have put her on that workout..... ) Currently the glasses are off, I think, and I still think she is a pure woman thru and thru, and was a great wife, untill she wasnt. I knew how to lead to be attractive, didnt know how to lead a M for long term success. Different applications, different perspectives needed, So now you are responsible for her "hotness"? I know you were joking but I'm just using that as an example of how you take on too much control. Also, with the man "leading". Ok, I will buy that to a certain extent. But tell me what role that puts the woman in? The opposite, to follow? Most women will rebel from that sooner or later. At least the smart, sassy, hot ones
often doubt ability to overcome own issues with trust and self fulfilling outcomes. (cat stevens--hard headed woman.)
Exactly. You are attracted to the very people who may rebel from you in the end. Tough one. You obviously know how to attract. Like you basically said, it's the keeping part that gets you all confused. No words of wisdom here, unfortunately. I think some people aren't destined to have successful M's. Too emotional, too passionate, too controlling. I am lumping myself in there as well. Still in cynical mood today.
Trusted her enough to have vasectomy reversed Wow BF. And at age 21 too. See, that is a great example of you seeing things black and white. No grey. You assumed your future would go one way and then, bam. Very decisive, a major life alteration. It is respectable and admirable and yet, freaks me out at the same time. You have very srongly held beliefs, values, etc but they seem to be evolving as well which is good. You are still very young. Lots more f-ing up to be had.
Thanks for sharing BF. Like we tell Snook, you are a "good guy" too.