Mars/Venus - Here's my story

[snookchaser]

Wow, I've just been quitely journaling away and then BAM!
All of a sudden, a whole slew of posts on my thread.

Thanks to all for your wisdom. It helps so much.

NOP said:

Stop with the tentativeness, put your watermelons on the table and play Gallagher with the 'sledge-o-matic'.

Oh, thanks for "that" mental image. Just the kind of picture I need flopping around in my noggin'. A 40 something man wearing a small cap and a tight striped shirt, rollerblading around the house weilding a wooden nut cracker ranting about a 'lak-o-nookie'. LOL

"Gimme that carton of Egg-Nog and then Aunt Minnie's Fruit Cake".


On a seroius note, thanks for your assessment, outside looking in and all. Both you and Honeypot have mentioned that the tentativeness of mine hasn't worked. And Blackfoot too, but his approach is different than your suggestion. So maybe its time for a different approach. Beating my head against a wall, wishing for it to turn into a door is useless. I wish that I had read your post earlier yesterday for that bit of redirected motivation.

Case in point. D10 spent the night at her friends house last night. My W and I were relaxing on the sofa watching TV. Just after 9 pm I asked her if she wanted to go and lay down in bed, she said that the channel we were watching wasn't available in our room and wanted to watch it some more. Then abbout 9:30ish, I looked over at her and she was dozing off. I got up, walked over and sat beside her. She opened her eyes and I said "Hey, Your dozeing off already? I thought since we were alone to night we could ML". She asked "What gave you that idea"? I said "Why not"? After a bit of a pause,she said "Well, if I can just lay there, you can do me". I said that didn't sound like any fun and wasn't what I had in mind".

Then there was a longer pause, we looked at each other for a few moments in silence. I raised my eyebrows in "Well"? She closed her eyes, placed her fingers on her brow and said "Why is it when you fall asleep, no one wakes you up. But, when I fall asleep, you've got to wake me up"? I just stood up looked at her and said "Never mind, you can just go back to sleep", and walked back over to sit in my recliner. Grrrr....I wanted so badly to say, "I'm going to our room to have sex, with you or without you". But I held my tounge figuring that would be too insensitive.

So, yeah, maybe the unsucessful 'tentative' approach needs to get sh#t-canned. Your right NOP, she is avoiding it and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Which then leads me back to your closing comments about me starting to fix any of my own issues contributing to the current state of our marriage. I have spent a great deal of time doing some serious self examination to find out just what thoese factors might be. I have unearthed a few and prioritized them. However, there must be more to it than that, and under the surface that I'm just not getting it.

Thanks again NOP. As with the others here, I value your input.

Happy Holidays!
Snook.