Journaling continues : Captian's Log, star date 2005...
After last weeks appearent prgress, this week seems to be back to more of the same. I had the good intention of letting my W know about the positive changes in her that I noticed last week. However, Tuesday evening she mentioned to me that since starting the new medication, she hadn't noticed or felt any real difference in herself. I told her that I had a different view. That last week I has noticed an improvement and the she seemd to have more energy, and was doing more things around the house and even doing some until later in the evening and that I was really proud of her. She acknowledged the points I mentioned, but said she still felt pretty much the same, just sort of blah and no energy for anything. She said that she wanted to call her doctor about this. I asked her if her doctor told her how long the lag time was after beginning to take the med, that some meds need a last a few weeks to build up in the body before its effects are noticed. She said no and wanted to find that out from her doctor because its been two weeks and she really doesn't feel any different.
Tuesday's is the night my D goes to scouts. I had hoped for a little "alone time" that night, but D is down with a cold and didn't go to school so that plan was out. W and I went to bed around 10 and layed there for a bit with the TV on, then I rolled towards her gave her a nice kiss and asked her if she wanted to fool around. She said no, not really, that she was tired. A first I felt that rejection resentment beginning to build, but I smushed down. I said nicely, "Well how about another time" (We always seem to say tomorrow and that never comes). I paused and followed it a little more confidently with "My pick". She said "We'll see". Wanted to say someting like, "Well your loss" or "You don't know what your missing", but I didn't. So I just said good night and I told her I loved her, rolled over and went to sleep.
She placed a call yesterday to her doctors office, but they haven't called back. So we wait. After feeling pretty good this time a week ago, having ML for the first time in a long time and seeing what I thought were some physical improvements in my W. This week I'm a bit down and feel more like... One Step up and two steps back.
I'm going over to my buddy's house after work today, to help him with a survey realted issue, and then we'll jam on our acoustic guitars for a while in the back porch and have a few beers. Look foreward to that.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
