Just doing some journaling... (and looking for some positive insight or suggestions too)
Came home from work a little early on Wed., because there was plenty of food prep to do still before Turkey Day. D10 was off with friends and my W had her regular Dr's appt. When my W got home, she was very happy with the way her appt had gone. I was very happy when she said that her Dr had prescribed an anit-depressant. Dr even gave her a month's worth of samples. She had been prescribed Wllburtin XL a long while ago, however quit taking it as W said it didn't seem to be doing any good. This one is a newer one called Symbyax which apparently combines 2 meds that have been around for a while. She was given starter a dose and Dr told her that if there are no positive effects after her next few vists, that she will refer her to a psycologist/psychiatrist (which ever of the 2 is a Dr and can write a script), to help out as a specialist and get her on a program that works and that her current Dr could write the scripts for in the long term if necessary. Now, I have not had time to research the new med, but I was just so happy that she was moving in this direction again. I had suggested on many occasions that seeing a specialist is what she needs to do, someone who has more expertise in this area than her regular Dr. Either way, if the newer drug works great, if not then she and her Dr have a plan towards the next step. She also told me that she had discussed with the Dr that she wanted to begin a regulated step-down schedule to got off of her pain med's. That she wants to leave them behind, but would need her Dr's help. I was so excited to hear that because I believe that her current medications do not provide her with the benifits intended and they leave her too tired and groggy most days. However, the Dr said that she wanted to wait on that step, see how the Symbyax works first. If there are improvement with it, then they could adjust down her pain med doses or eliminate them all together. I let my W know how happy I was for her taking those steps. Positive steps that I happily and fully support and she's taking them witout me nagging her. Again, at least they have a plan.
Anyway, later when we retiered for the night. I was pretty sleepy and was about to doze off when she asked why I hadn't said "Goodnight - I love you" the past 2 nights. I told her that I was sorry, I didn't intend too, just was really tired those nights too I guess. Then out of the blue she asked "Is there someone else, at work"? I told her absolutely not. I kissed her and said that my only love was her. Then sunk my head back down in my pillow. Well, she rolled over towards me and rebutted with the most passionate full lip contact, kinda wet kiss that we haven't had in a long time. When we were done I said 'Wow, where did that come from? That was great'. She said " I don't know, just wanted to do that, your just such a great kisser". (I'm not braggin here, it's just what she said). Well, I guess that I should have picked up that rope and moved things up to the next level, but I didn't. I didn't want to react on the predictable male reaction, where a good passionate kiss must lead to sex. So we snuggled instead and when too sleep. However, the next morning, when we were in the kitchen. I hugged her and told how great that kiss really was last night. She told me that it had really done a number on her and kinda juices going. I said it had a similar/different effect on my too. She asked why I didn't do something about it? I said I didn't know, I was tired, I wasn't sure that was what she intended. But conceded that I probably should have given it a try. She reminded me that if I want to something, that I'm going to have to start it. She said that she did last time (geez, that was months ago), now it was my turn.
Ok, so I know now, I really dropped the ball with that one (beating my head on the wall). But, I did make it clear that "that" wouldn't be happening two nights in a row and that we'd be picking up tonight were we left off. She smiled. But wouldn't you just know, with all of the cooking, family activities and too much food (D10 even spending the night down the street at her friend house), W was nodding off on the couch by about 7:30. I said to her come on let get you to bed (I knew it wasn't happening that night either). Tho', she said "let me just nap for awhile, then you can wake me up later". I said that I'd try, but she and I were both real tired and between the (fried)turkey dinner and the more recently consumed turkey sandwiches, I didn't think that I could hold out that long either. So, more snuggles and sleep.
Yesterday, was kind of a lazy one. After more turkey left-overs and watching War of the Worlds. She was again doseing off to la-la land by the movie's end (8:30ish). She let D10 and I know that she was going off to bed.
Oh well, two steps up and one step back. Lesson learned - Carpe Diem.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
