I appologize. I guess that a took me up until now to realize that I was replying to OG_Lou when I replied to your post. The printer cartriges poke didn't sink in until now.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Thanks for your post, it was very helpful. As Chrissy stated, the employee assitance program is a free service offered by my employer administered by private company that specializes in a variety of work/life problem assistance. These programs are paid for by the employer and offered on top of insurance benifits. Because there is an appearent "pre-set" limit to the number of visits per problem,I like the idea of spacing out the visits. This will make the most of the service that is offered and to give me time for the information to sink in and begin to apply it.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Thanks those are all great points that I'll make note of. I kinda knew that I should probably take along some pre-written notes to get the process moving along. I realize that the choices of whom to see will be limited, but I do hope that there will be at least few are qualified females, as that might be very helpful with reguard to my wife's participation.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Thanks for your guidance as well. It's helpful to know that Dr's "codeing" can be done can be done is several ways to help address the "paitent(s)" needs. Thanks again. As I've stated before, I have been lurking here for a long time now, and it's reassuring to see replies to my post from those that I have been taking notes from for so long now.
I've been thinking, I need to include some specific day to day details in my posts here for it less abstract. Hopefully I can find the time to do that. I'm an early riser and usually only have an hour or so of quite time in the morning to read and post here. Well, off to the grocery store to do some shopping. Gotta beat the rush before all of the frozen turkeys are gobbled up.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Just doing some journaling... (and looking for some positive insight or suggestions too)
Came home from work a little early on Wed., because there was plenty of food prep to do still before Turkey Day. D10 was off with friends and my W had her regular Dr's appt. When my W got home, she was very happy with the way her appt had gone. I was very happy when she said that her Dr had prescribed an anit-depressant. Dr even gave her a month's worth of samples. She had been prescribed Wllburtin XL a long while ago, however quit taking it as W said it didn't seem to be doing any good. This one is a newer one called Symbyax which apparently combines 2 meds that have been around for a while. She was given starter a dose and Dr told her that if there are no positive effects after her next few vists, that she will refer her to a psycologist/psychiatrist (which ever of the 2 is a Dr and can write a script), to help out as a specialist and get her on a program that works and that her current Dr could write the scripts for in the long term if necessary. Now, I have not had time to research the new med, but I was just so happy that she was moving in this direction again. I had suggested on many occasions that seeing a specialist is what she needs to do, someone who has more expertise in this area than her regular Dr. Either way, if the newer drug works great, if not then she and her Dr have a plan towards the next step. She also told me that she had discussed with the Dr that she wanted to begin a regulated step-down schedule to got off of her pain med's. That she wants to leave them behind, but would need her Dr's help. I was so excited to hear that because I believe that her current medications do not provide her with the benifits intended and they leave her too tired and groggy most days. However, the Dr said that she wanted to wait on that step, see how the Symbyax works first. If there are improvement with it, then they could adjust down her pain med doses or eliminate them all together. I let my W know how happy I was for her taking those steps. Positive steps that I happily and fully support and she's taking them witout me nagging her. Again, at least they have a plan.
Anyway, later when we retiered for the night. I was pretty sleepy and was about to doze off when she asked why I hadn't said "Goodnight - I love you" the past 2 nights. I told her that I was sorry, I didn't intend too, just was really tired those nights too I guess. Then out of the blue she asked "Is there someone else, at work"? I told her absolutely not. I kissed her and said that my only love was her. Then sunk my head back down in my pillow. Well, she rolled over towards me and rebutted with the most passionate full lip contact, kinda wet kiss that we haven't had in a long time. When we were done I said 'Wow, where did that come from? That was great'. She said " I don't know, just wanted to do that, your just such a great kisser". (I'm not braggin here, it's just what she said). Well, I guess that I should have picked up that rope and moved things up to the next level, but I didn't. I didn't want to react on the predictable male reaction, where a good passionate kiss must lead to sex. So we snuggled instead and when too sleep. However, the next morning, when we were in the kitchen. I hugged her and told how great that kiss really was last night. She told me that it had really done a number on her and kinda juices going. I said it had a similar/different effect on my too. She asked why I didn't do something about it? I said I didn't know, I was tired, I wasn't sure that was what she intended. But conceded that I probably should have given it a try. She reminded me that if I want to something, that I'm going to have to start it. She said that she did last time (geez, that was months ago), now it was my turn.
Ok, so I know now, I really dropped the ball with that one (beating my head on the wall). But, I did make it clear that "that" wouldn't be happening two nights in a row and that we'd be picking up tonight were we left off. She smiled. But wouldn't you just know, with all of the cooking, family activities and too much food (D10 even spending the night down the street at her friend house), W was nodding off on the couch by about 7:30. I said to her come on let get you to bed (I knew it wasn't happening that night either). Tho', she said "let me just nap for awhile, then you can wake me up later". I said that I'd try, but she and I were both real tired and between the (fried)turkey dinner and the more recently consumed turkey sandwiches, I didn't think that I could hold out that long either. So, more snuggles and sleep.
Yesterday, was kind of a lazy one. After more turkey left-overs and watching War of the Worlds. She was again doseing off to la-la land by the movie's end (8:30ish). She let D10 and I know that she was going off to bed.
Oh well, two steps up and one step back. Lesson learned - Carpe Diem.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Sunday morning, D10 was awake with the toon network going and while was working on the computer. My W came into the kitchen to get some coffee, having just gotten out of bed. She came over to give me a hug and a kiss and then proceeded to really get into it. I was getting more than just goose bumps. She noticed what she had done to me and played and teased me a little more, knowing I couldn't really do much about it with D10 nearby (however, she was glued to the tube). Then W was off to read the paper.
After a day of chores around the house (and a occassional flirting). Fast forward to Sunday evening. As we were enjoying our steak dinner (anything but turkey). My D10 says that she wanted to read some more before bed.
Now, she hasn't been doing to well this year reading books in her spare time. So, over the weekend I thought it might be helpful motivation to let her read along in a book while the book's audio CD played next to her. All that I could get my hand on that she also had the book for was the first Harry Potter book. She and I had spent several hours over the past few days lying in her room, she reading the words along to the narrator's voice, (call it cheating, but she's halfway done with the book).
Earlier my W had asked me to run her a bath right after dinner, so even though she was pretty tired, I knew she had plans for later that night. So my D10's statement at the dinner table, left my W and I with a frustrating dellemia (I had an especially deflated feeling).
So, in repsonse to my D10's request, my W said that it depends on your dad and if he'll wait for me to take my bath until tomorrow. What is it, day four now. So, now the ball is squarely in my court and I'm left with the following question. Do we spend the next couple of hours encouraging D10's reading, together with us, or be (somewhat) self-serving and send D10 off to bed and my W into the Tub?
Well, as OG Lou has stated before, sometimes you gotta "Do the Right Thing" - so we read.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
While obviously reading with D is very important, keep in mind that if you don't put the marriage first, D suffers in the long run. Send D to bed with a promise (that you keep of course) to read with her the following evening. By taking care of your M you are taking care of your daughter. So banish the guilt and go for it. Of course, if this causes guilt in W then you might as well forget about it anyway and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Heck, part of the reason I am on the board is that both W and I put all of our efforts into our 4 kids and not enough effort into the M. Now the kids are nearly grown and we awoke one morning as strangers.
My two cents (hey you get what you pay for).
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Quote: She reminded me that if I want to something, that I'm going to have to start it.
Why do you have to start it. I don't understand LD's, why do they count on the HD to start things, the whole problem IS that the LD does not start things. If she wants to solve the issue, SHE must be able to start things on her own.
It isn't crucial as to whether you choose to read with D and take a raincheck or to wait until the next day. The part that is crucial is how you deal with W until an opportunity to ML arises. What if you read with D, come to bed with W and take her in your arms and say, "W, you sexy thing, I am going to spend my time between now and bedtime tomorrow thinking of ways to make you scream." Anticipation can be good. I honestly believe that one of the mistakes I tend to make with H is not building up the anticipation enough.
Tell D that you will read with her for a short time only, pour the bath for W and she'll still be soakin by the time you are done with Harry and the Gang.
Also, I think it's beneficial to mention in front of D that you can only read for a short time because Mom and Dad need to spend some alone time together. It's good for kids to see the parents taking care of their R.
